I simply can’t believe…

that we have three children. 

that we have three children and two of them were born (in 4 hours) exactly 4 years ago.

that I can recall every single thing that happened from this entire day 4 years ago.

that the first best day of my life happened four years ago and the result is this most perfect miracle girl and her angel brother.

   

At 1:44 and 1:46am on December 14, 2006 my life forever changed for the better.  We didn’t have a clue of the nightmare that was lying ahead, but truthfully it still couldn’t steal the moment of gloriousness that was the birth of our first two babies. No matter how small, sick and fragile they were…the were still ours!

Six months later we sent Bennett back home to his creator.  He was no longer ours to raise, but he will forever be a part of our family in our hearts. 

Their first birthday was hard because it was the first one that Bennett was gone for.  The second and third were hard, but NOTHING has been as difficult as this fourth birthday.

Ellie has grown so much this year that it just blows my mind.  She is no longer a baby.  It leaves me wondering what kind of boy Bennett would have been.  These big changes are the times that I find my heart aches the most. 

Is it even possible to have your heart hurt so much, but be so completely full at the same time?  I can’t stop kissing and hugging my precious miracle girl.  I know how differently our ending could have been after she was born three months early.  We are blessed.  Simply blessed to have such a perfect little person that we have been gifted to raise up to Him. 

Still, knowing that, I find myself choking back tears today.  Holding Cullen a little tighter.  Giving a few more sugar snacks to Ellie than I would typically allow.  Having the patience level I wish I had every day.  I guess I am just a little more grateful. 

Dear Ellie and Bennett,

Happy birthday to our first two miracles.  You are loved and thought of every single hour of my day. 

Ellie you are perfection in my eyes.  I love every single teeny tiny thing about you.  I love coloring with you, playing magnetic dress up with your princess dolls, snuggling you in bed and every little thing in between.  Happy birthday my miracle girl.

Sweet Bennett.  I miss you every single minute of the day…especially today.  You are the most precious little angel up in Heaven I am sure.  Sister sends you balloons every time we leave the grocery store.  She says the bright ones can be seen faster because they are so much brighter.  So, today she sent you a red one.  No matter where you are today we are celebrating your life.  We miss you more than any words would be capable of expressing.  Happy birthday to our sweet little chunky monkey…we miss you so much and we love you with all of our hearts

 

Happy 4th birthday Bennett David and Ellie Grace ~ We love you both forEVER!!!

I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Jeremiah 31:13

Blessings,

Angie

A Birthday Boys dream

We’re back and Vegas was SO.MUCH.FUN!!!

It was terribly hard to leave my babies, but I had such a fantastic time with my hubby and our friends that honestly the time passed quickly.

Our trip began when our friends showed up at our house at 8:30am Friday morning.  We celebrated with some mimosas and then we were off.  I kissed my babies, shed a few tears and then Ellie pushed me out of the door!  As I was leaving she was telling our nanny, “We are going to have so much fun together!!!”  It was nice to know she was so broken up about me leaving!!! 

I sent the first of many texts to Blakely on our way to the airport just checking in and things seemed to be going ok. 

One flight, one bloody mary, one beer and one game of crossword relay later we were in Phoenix for a layover.  I made the responsible decision (the first for the day I’m afraid) to call and check in on my babies and it was horrible news.  Cullen was hysterical.  That made me a complete nervous wreck.  I was ready to fly home right at that moment…seriously!  Instead, my hubby ordered me another drink (we don’t have a problem, we were just reliving our college years with our good buddies!!!) to get my mind off of the nightmare that was occurring in our home.  Then he told Blakely to lie to me for the rest of the trip…we had a discussion about that!  Another short plane ride, another game of crossword relay, some encouraging words from our friends that the nanny just needed to “break Cullen of me” later we were in Las Vegas…oh, and maybe another drink!  We gathered our bags and waited in the ridiculous line to get a cab.  (For all of you B.B fans out there…“Boogie” was in line behind us!) 

 

We finally arrived at TI and it felt like we had been through three days of vacation already.  No food and a lot of drinks in this 32 year old body was not going to work!  The boys took off to the sports book to place their first bets and we (the girls) waited in yet another line to check in.  We got settled, met our other friends that arrived a few hours after us and we finally ate!  We gambled a little and lost a little and then decided to take a walk down the strip.  B and I both LOVE the fountains at the Bellagio and I am totally in love with the conservatory there, so every time we visit that is at the top of our list to see.

Before this trip B had never gambled at the Bellagio.  I gave him $100 and told him to have fun…and to try not to lose it all at one time!  I sat with a friend and waited…and talked…and waited…and bought drinks…and waited…and then it occurred to me that I should check on B.  He is a fantastic guy, but budgeting is not his strong suit!  As I approached the craps table he gave me a handful of different colored chips.  Usually when we gamble if he is winning he will give me back what I gave him to start with and then he will give me some of his winnings to cash in.  I started counting and I couldn’t believe my eyes!!!  He was UP…WAY UP!!!  I did like any responsible, loving wife would do and I encouraged him to stay by buying him a beer!!!  He stayed and I sat and waited with my friend…we talked…and drank…and giggled about B’s winnings…and we waited.  Then B came to meet us.  I felt a moment of disappointment b/c I didn’t see anything in his hands.  I was a little sad for him b/c I thought he didn’t come out with anything else.  Then he got a smirk on his face and reached into his pocket only to pull out a MEGA chip!!!  My hubby hit the jackpot (for us!) on the craps table on his birthday trip to Vegas…it was a dream come true for him for sure! The rest of the night was a celebration.  We hit several casino’s up the strip on our way back to TI.  We managed to gamble until 3AM!!!  Since we had only eaten once the whole day, we ordered room service and then passed out! (not literally!)

B was still living on his adrenalin rush the next morning.  He was up at 7am and off to the tables and breakfast with friends.  I decided to just sleep…and sleep I did!  Until 10:30!  It was fantastic.  I checked on the babies and Blakely told me everything was going good, so I slowly got myself together and headed out the door for lunch with the crew.  Lunch was fun (but my food was horrible!) and then the six of us headed to gamble together.  The day was a blast!  We were all up from playing single deck black jack (my new fav game).  We played at a few casinos until about dinner time.  I was totally exhausted and had to head up yet again to pump (going on a vaca while breastfeeding WITHOUT the baby is H.A.R.D work).  I hit a brick wall.  I was so tired and I missed my babies SO much!  I thought I would just stay up in the room and order room service, but B and I decided to head to our favorite night club in Vegas together.  We changed and headed out at 9pm which is my typical bedtime!  We ate the seafood buffet at The Rio and we were so stuffed and tired we skipped the club and took a cab back to our hotel!  All of the partying had taken a toll on both of us.  Our hotel had sent up a bottle of champagne to our room and we were so exhausted we didn’t even drink it that night! 

We woke up early and packed our bags.  We had two hours to gamble before we headed to the airport.  It was just the two of us and it was a beautiful morning.  We walked around and gambled a little.  B walked away with a few more dollars which made the trips ending a very happy one! 

Our flight home was a lot more calm than the ones we took to Vegas!  B and I played a little crossword relay and drank water and juice. 

After a quick trip to the store to buy our baby girl a surprise we were back at home with our babies in our arms.  I’m pretty sure I’m just not the mom that likes to leave her kiddos.  AT ALL! 

We did have a blast and it was nice to have some alone time with the hubs for his 33 birthday.  We have a fantastic nanny, sister in law and MiMi that all helped while we were away and we couldn’t have gone without them! Blakely survived, although she said Friday was a total nightmare!  She got Cullen under control by Saturday and then Sunday was a breeze for her.  Good news for her: I don’t plan on leaving my babies any time soon!

 

I love you, B!!  I know you had a fantastic time in Vegas and you deserved every single minute of it! 

Love,

A

**I would love to share our pics, but:

1. I don’t know how to download them to my laptop with our small camera AND

2. B was trying to sync my phone and erased EVERYTHING from it!!!  So, the cool phone pics from the Bellagio are gone. 

I don’t have ANY contact info for any of my friends anymore either.  If you all will please email me your numbers I would greatly appreciate it!  babyhopes1@hotmail.com

Where has it gone…

I suppose this question/statement could apply to several aspects of my life these days. 

My time…

My sanity!!!

My body!!!

My little babies…

My organized life…

When I finally get a second to stop and think I often wonder where it has all gone. 

I have been meaning to update this blog for weeks.  I have been meaning to answer text messages and organize Ellie’s closet too.  Oh, wait and buy frames for Cullen’s newborn photos, get Christmas cards printed, order Ellie’s birthday cake…the list is endless.  I HATE that this blog is my virtual baby book and I haven’t even updated about our kiddos in over a month!!!

Cullen’s fifth month of life has come and almost gone with HUGE milestones! 

Not only is our little man now 19 lbs, he is also sporting two pearly white front, bottom teeth and a menu that has included rice cereal, avocado, banana and now pears!!  After a doctor visit yesterday we tried eating food three times a day today and it seems like too much, so breakfast and dinner will be big meals and the rest will still be breast milk.  Cullen is rolling over and working on sitting up!!!  He talks ALL.THE.TIME and it seems like he may have a personality like his sisters.  I have a feeling I am going to be in for it with these two!  Cullen loves his mommy and is what some might consider spoiled…I like to call it really loved!  Sister is his best friend.  She makes him laugh and talk like no one else.  It makes my heart smile to watch them together. 

 

My baby girl will be FOUR…4…years old in TWO weeks.  I am in shock.  She is no longer a baby.  She talks like a little woman.  She is so incredibly smart and compassionate.  Her schooling is going very well.  In fact, she loves school.  She is writing most of the letters we have learned, she can write her name and a few words.  I am beyond proud of her and the work she puts forth daily to be the little angel that she is.    Ellie shocked me last week by reciting doubles addition facts…even though we haven’t even covered that in school!!!  She is a constant source of entertainment in our household.  Case in point…yesterday, while looking though an animal fact book she looked at me and said, “Mommy, is this what you call a cheeto?”   I laughed hysterically and she just looked at me and said, “What…”  So innocent and sweet!

 

Time is in short supply and we are prepping for our first adult vacation away since our HONEYMOON, so a longer update can be expected after we return from Las Vegas!!! 

Until then…enjoy the pics from our pumpkin patch visit.

Blessings,
Angie

 

 

Tag, hear it!

This will go in the category of “funny things my kids say” along with various other cute phrases.

 

Ellie is growing up…WAY TOO FAST!  She loves to spend her days playing with friends, going to gymnastics, dance, soccer, lunch playing with Cullen, watching movies and playing TAG!  We were all sitting outside on Sunday and she ran up to B and yelled, “Tag, HEAR it!”  I laughed hysterically and B took off after her to play her new favorite game. 

Here is what else our growing girl has been up to…

Cheering on our Texas Tech Red Raiders…we have slacked a little on our team spirit this year.  It just isn’t the same without the pirate!

 

She completed her first medical drug trial in September.  She is awesome at doing treatments as long as her DVD player is close!

Playing soccer…GO KANSAS CITY!  Daddy is the coach and she calls him “Coach Brandon”!!!  Cullen usually sleeps through them seeing as they start at 8am!

We’ve spent a lot of girl time together after her games on Saturday…we LOVE visiting the splash park!

Snuggling with brother is always top on her list!

Posing for pics has become a habit…I don’t know where she picked this up from!

Ballet every Thursday…she is preparing for her holiday show and it is adorable!

Playing at the park with friends and having a picnic is always fun!!!

Trying to climb into Cullen’s crib…TIMEOUT!

Posing in his 4 month photo shoot…after getting busted for trying to climb into the crib!

I eventually let her get in and look how sweet this is!

BUT…

The BIGGEST, most exciting news…

is that this little angel FINALLY decided…

to get her ears pierced!  (yes, they are small…and this mommy likes it that way!)

My princess is growing up so fast and I just wasn’t prepared for that! 

 

I love you, Ellie Grace!  No matter how big you get you will always be my miracle baby girl!

Love,

Mommy

Perfection

My little miracle…isn’t he just perfect!

The results

Hectic.

Frazzled.

Exhausting.

Busy.

That is what the last two days have been.

Why would I expect them to be any different than the rest of my days…I don’t know.  But, for some reason yesterday and today have taken a major toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally.

I’ll just start out by saying that I had the WRONG date for Cullen’s PFT.  Totally not like me to show up for an appointment on the complete wrong day, but I sure did it yesterday!  By the grace of God they just happened to be able to squeeze us in!  Which was a total blessing.

I took a ton of pictures of the procedure, but I was using my phone, so excuse the quality.

Here is the timeline and photo recall of our day.

We showed up at the hospital at 10am on the dot .  Cullen was npo (nothing by mouth) since 7am.  Starving my baby and listening to him scream the.entire.way to the hospital was horrible!  I was pretty close to tears myself a few times.

Anyway, we showed and realized I was a day early, but the RT who knows us very well was sweet enough to work it all out.

Here is our little man…he wore himself out with all of the hysterics on the way to the hospital.

Here is the chamber…

By about 11am the nurse had gathered all of his info and it was time to administer the chloral hydrate (?)…which is the sedation med.  I had to hold Cullen while he went to sleep and I’m going to be honest…I had to choke back tears as I did that.  There was a lot of deja vu for me that day.  A lot of reminders of the several surgeries that Bennett went through and all the times we sat next to him waiting for him to wake up from sedation.

Here is mommy holding her baby boy while he went to sleep. (don’t let the smile fool you!)

Once he was totally asleep it was time for the testing to begin.  I would be lying if I said I could remember every single thing they tested.  I did a lot of praying and staring at the monitor watching his heart rate and oxygen saturation.  I spent months watching those same things on the monitor with Bennett…daja vu again.

All the while this is was sister was doing…

Here is our little man inside of the chamber.

After about an hour of testing I was allowed to scoop my little guy up in my arms while he started to wake up.  Poor baby was so confused and totally out of it!  I was allowed to nurse him ~ and he was eager to eat, so eat he did!  Then he vomited all over both of us!  We had to stay for him to be monitored for about 45 minutes. 

Finally, the kiddos pulmonologist came in and interpreted the data.  The numbers boiled down to classifying Cullen with mild disease as of right now.  His lower lungs showed restriction and that was concerning to our doctor.  He did show improvement after zo.penex was administered, so both kiddos are now on inhaled zo once per day.  I can’t wait to get Cullen’s chest xrays to see what they show.  At 4 months old I expected them to classify Cullen in the normal range, so the fact that they already have concerns scares me to death.  Both the RT and the pulmonologist said that there were some results they didn’t expect from the lower lungs…not what I was hoping to hear!  I will get his printout and post his numbers for all of those CFers out there.  I am so tired I can’t remember anything right now!  I do know that his FEV.5 was really good though!  Good news to this momma!  It was 107%!!! 

 

So, after 5 hours at the hospital and NO FOOD at all for the day, Brandon and I headed to dinner!  Our little man started to wake up a little more and our little lady posed for many pictures!

We stopped here as a surprise for Ellie and to reward her great behavior…

 

And this is what our car looked like on the way home…

Today, Cullen woke up with a swollen, red eye.  So, we were off to the doctor for our weekly donation to their office.  He has a little clogged duct, but she gave me antibiotic drops just in case it tried to get out of control.  Here was our little guy tonight.  He loves it when I make a kissing sound…my babies are the light of my life!!

Speaking of deja vu…

I think my little boys look a lot alike!

Blessings,

Angie