Bennett David Kahl

Bennett David Kahl
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers Ephesians 1:16

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Is 2008 really over?

Today marks exactly three months since my last post. I can't tell you how exhausting it has been to keep all of my thoughts bottled up inside of me! My therapy is writing and I have simply been too busy to sit and write anything in the last few months. Life is a little less hectic these days and I am ready to start this new year as the dedicated blogger that I used to be!

A lot has happened in the last three months. Ellie is growing up so fast...every day I thank God for her. She is hilarious! She knows how to sing her ABC's, she can count to 16 (I have no idea why she won't just go to 20!), she can spell her name, she talks in sentences, she loves to ride her bike, play with her Little People and run through the bubble machine. She is fearless and independent ~ which would be great qualities for a young adult, but she is just a toddler! Her personality makes us laugh daily!!! Her favorite phrase to use is, "Oh my gosh!!!” I have no idea where she picked that up from...and to be honest it is a little embarrassing when she yells it out in a restaurant when they place her food in front of her! She is potty trained for the most part. We have a few accidents here and there and we are still working on her telling us when "number 2 is coming" rather than when it arrives...ahhh the joys of parenthood.

I am proud of her...she is amazing. I love watching her read books to her baby dolls and kiss and hug them while she doesn't think you are watching. My heart is so full of happiness because of her. I think it took becoming a mother to realize exactly how my mom feels about me...what an amazing gift!

In December, Ellie turned 2, Brandon turned 31 and we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary ~ WOW!!! I am pretty sure that when he met me 8 1/2 years ago he never saw us traveling the road we have traveled! I probably don't tell him enough how wonderful he is and how thankful I am to him for the gifts he has given to me. He loves his job in sales and he is great at it! Talking to people has never been a problem for Brandon and that makes for a successful outside salesman!

In September, October and November I did a total of 10 shows. Running a business on my own was exhausting for those three months! I am so lucky that I have a sister-in-law that transformed herself into "Super outside salesgirl"! Connie helped me out at all of the big shows and this year was extremely successful for me! It still amazes me that people will pay for something that I create...what a blessing.

This fall I was blessed to have met a local business owner that loved my items. She now carries all of my bows and monogrammed gift items in her store. She keeps me busy every week and she is awesome to work with! Ten shows, two stores, a toddler, a husband, house and two wonder I haven't blogged in a while! I am so thankful to my sweet mother-in-law for all of the babysitting and to Aunt Ashley for making an emergency babysitting trip all the way to Houston to watch Ellie for us!

I think the worst part of being so busy is that the weeks flew by. All of a sudden I found myself days away from Bennett and Ellie's second birthday. The days became harder and harder to breath through. Life is such a battle between happiness and sadness for us. Put on a smile for Ellie and make her day as special as it can be and hide the tears that you can barely stop from streaming down your face. How do you visit and cemetery for one child and Inflatable Zone for another all in one day? It is emotionally exhausting. December 14th 2006 was the best day in my life hands down. I think about how happy we were that day. We were so oblivious to the severity of our babies situation. I woke up one night crying...missing having my little boy in our lives. I asked Brandon to please get up and get the videos of Bennett and Ellie. For days I watched the same videos over and over again. Crying and remembering...and wishing I could have had more time or done things differently with the time I did have. Grieving again for the stocking that hangs on our mantle for a child that will never use it and for all of the memories we won't be able to make.

Birthday turned into Christmas and we were blessed to have Biddi and Uncle Mike with us this year. It was nice to create memories with them and to watch Uncle Mike and Daddy struggle with putting toys together! Bennett picked out a ton of new books for Ellie and filled his stocking with them. Santa and Bennett also left a tear jerking note for Ellie next to the home baked cookies...what a pair they are!

So, here we are on New Year's Eve. I am sitting here with a lump in my throat while I try to hold the tears back because I don't want another year to pass since we lost Bennett. I have so much hope and so much fear about what this next year will bring. I have debated about posting that Brandon and I are trying to have another baby. Part of me wanted to keep it a secret for fear that it won't work...however, I know the only thing that got us through our journey with IVF and our pregnancy were all of your prayers. So, as 2009 makes its way into our world I am begging you to keep our family in your prayers. We have met with several specialists and we are confident that this will be a very blessed year for us. If we are able to get pregnant with our next IVF cycle (tentatively scheduled for either February or March) we will be scheduled for a cerclage at 12 weeks and I will be followed by a perinatologist. We have a new OBGYN that is AWESOME (she actually delivered the twins at my request). She is proactive and very knowledgeable and her goal is for us to welcome a very healthy baby...or babies into this world. Her cautious optimism fills me with hope and confidence that our next pregnancy will be a success.

Thank you for sticking with us through this crazy journey we call life! We are so blessed to have the family and friends that we have in our lives. Happy New Year to all of you!!! My prayer is that we continue down the path our Lord has created for us with faith in Him and that our prayers are answered as He sees fit.

Blessings to all of you!