Bennett David Kahl

Bennett David Kahl
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers Ephesians 1:16

Friday, October 30, 2009

My heart skipped a beat...

My heart skipped a beat today when I saw my baby's heart beating inside of me. We have one beautiful baby that is already measuring one day ahead of schedule at 5 weeks 5 days and it had a beautiful and strong heart beat! The tears poured out of my eyes as I laid on the exam table and realized that I was sharing that moment with Brandon and Ellie. We are so very blessed! Ellie was thrilled with the whole experience and said, "It's just like me!" Oh, and today she is claiming to want a little sister...her opinion changes as fast as the weather does in Texas!

We are thrilled and I feel so very safe. I just know I will be bringing a 36 weeker home from the hospital and the thought of that makes me feel overjoyed!

We also had great news about our 2 remaining embryos...they both made it to freeze. So, we might actually have a chance to have another baby in the future. Our remaining embryos are a grade 2 bb and a grade 3 bc. The two embryos they implanted for this IVF were graded 4 bb and 2 bb. (The bb/bc are the quality of the inner and outer cell structures)

Today was a wonderful day. It was a day we have prayed for and that we know you have prayed for as well. We thank all of you from the very bottom of our hearts. We go back on Tuesday afternoon for our next ultrasound and I will get the H1N1 at that time as well...I'm still a little nervous about that!


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Before I forget...

Warning: this is a ridiculously long post!

I wanted to document the days following our retrieval for my own purpose…God forbid we ever have to go through the harvesting process again.

Following the transfer on Saturday I came straight home and got into bed. My HUGE blessing of a mother in a law (Biddie) stayed with us for almost an entire week in order to help with Ellie and make sure I took it easy. I am very blessed to have Biddie as a mother in law for a million reasons, but the most important to me is that she truly understands what our struggles have meant to us. We have shared many similarities from fertility struggles to the death of a child. It is so comforting to know that we are not alone with our fears and anxiety and no matter what we are feeling we have someone so close that has “been there and done that.”

So, on Sunday it was much of the same…bedrest! However, Sunday night I remember waking up in what I thought was an extreme hot flash. I was soaking wet and even had to change my clothes. I woke up four times that night to use the restroom. On Monday morning I felt very hot on the inside, but I didn’t feel warm to the touch. I had very bad lower back cramps and I was tired. Brandon went to the grocery store to buy a slew of home pregnancy test kits. My goal was to test the hcg shot out of my system, so that when we got a positive test it meant we were actually pregnant. (Ovidrel is a trigger shot that they give you right before egg retrieval in order to make sure your eggs are mature. The shot contains the same hormone (hcg) that is detected in pregnancy tests, so it can give a false positive test if it is not out of your system. I tested with hpt’s until they were negative to make sure the Ovidrel was out of my system, so that if we got a positive test at the end of the week we would know it wasn’t the trigger shot in my system, but actually b/c I was pregnant…are you following??) Monday night I experienced the same hot flash, but it was not as severe as the night before. Tuesday I felt like I was recovering from the flu. I was a little “out of it” and I was very tired. At about 3 that afternoon I fell asleep in my bed and I NEVER nap! Wednesday I spent most of the day on the couch getting inventory ready for the upcoming show that weekend. No extreme symptoms, but I was using the restroom a lot more often than usual. Thursday was Bennett Day and I was exhausted that day. I honestly felt like I was hung over. Tired, a little hungry but nothing sounded good to eat and I felt shaky. I went to bed that night crying. Brandon and Ellie were sound asleep and I felt so defeated. I was upset about having to visit Bennett in the cemetery, I was grateful for the perfect scripture we put on his headstone, I felt overwhelmed with the love I have for Ellie and Brandon and I just sat in bed watching them sleep and I cried. Finally, I fell asleep and about 2am I woke up to use the bathroom. For some CRAZY reason I decided to take a home pregnancy test. Why? At 2am did I feel the urge to take a hpt I will never know! I fully expected it to be negative because I was only 6 days past a 5 day transfer (6dp5dt) in which case I am sure I would have gone back to bed and cried even more. However, what happened next will always rank as one of the best moments of my life. I sat in the bathroom in the middle of the night was watched a very F-A-I-N-T pink line appear to make 2 lines…which meant we had a positive pregnancy test for the second time ever.

I silently crept out of our bedroom to go into the kitchen, so I could exam the test under the bright lights in our kitchen. Sure enough it was there…barely, but it was there! My instincts were to run into the bedroom and jump on Brandon and scream that we were pregnant…but, that’s not what I did. I was shaking like a leaf and I was crying. I walked into our living room and literally got down on my knees and thanked God for this wonderful miracle that he had given to us. Then it was time to decide how to tell B. A few weeks earlier I got Ellie a cute t-shirt that said, “Big Sister” on it…you know, just in case! I have added maternity clothes to my business, so I went into the office and put on a shirt that said, “Baby Bump” it was a little big, but I thought B would get it when he saw it. I tip toed back into our bedroom and decided that I probably wouldn't win "Mother of the Year" if I woke Ellie up to change her shirt in the middle of the night…so, I just laid in bed with my shirt on waiting…and waiting…and waiting!

So, after all of that (and obsessing about it in bed) I decided to change the plan all together! (Can anyone say PSYCHO) I went into my closet (it was 3:30am at this point) and I got on black yoga pants and a t-shirt I bought when I was pregnant with the twins that says, “Yes, I’m pregnant!” I couldn’t sleep, so I came into the living room to get some work done. Finally, after waiting impatiently for over an hour I heard B get out of bed. His alarm goes off at 3:30 every morning b/c he gets up early to do work at home and it makes me SO mad b/c it always wakes me up too. When he got up and realized I wasn’t in bed he thought I was angry with him!!! He found me in the living room, on the couch with a smile on my face and he looked at me and said, “What are you doing? And why are you out here smiling?” He walked over to our bar and I stood up and faced him without saying a word. He looked at me like I had lost my mind and about 15 seconds later he realized what my shirt said. He ran over to me saying, “Really???” and we hugged and cried. We went into the kitchen and I showed him the test…his words were, “Are you sure? Are you really sure?” Ummmmm…Y.E.S. I am sure!!! Two lines means pregnant…no matter how faint the second line is! So, we enjoyed the moment together and talked and at about 6:30 I was exhausted, so I went back to bed!

When Ellie woke up I asked her if she was ready to be a big sister and she said, “Um, NO!” We didn’t want to tell anyone until our blood test…even though I continued to take a test every day and the lines got continually darker! We did tell our parents and siblings though. It was cute to listen to Ellie tell our mom’s that she was going to be a big sister b/c there is a baby in mommy’s tummy! A moment I will never forget.

On Monday, October 19th beta #1 9dp5dt: 90 (4 weeks pregnant)
On Wednesday, October 21st beta #2 was 11dp5dt: 239 (4 weeks 2 days pregnant)
(as a reference number I went in for my first beta with the twins at 4 weeks 3 days pregnant and my beta was in the 240's)

I was so grateful to be pregnant with Bennett and Ellie and I loved every minute of it. This time it is a little different…only because of everything that happened last time. I don’t know how long I have to enjoy this precious miracle, but I am going to spend every day I am pregnant celebrating it. I still take pregnancy tests some days and I look at it as therapy. I have had years of negatives and it is so amazing to watch that beautiful second pink line, so I test whenever I feel like I want to! The other day I wanted to show B the difference in my tests from last week and the one from this week and I said, “What do you think?” He said, “I think you are pregnant!” Duh!

I am excited, but I feel very different this time. Maybe it is fear of getting attached and being disappointed in the end? I am beyond grateful to be pregnant. I love the afternoon sickness that I get and I love being so exhausted that I just can’t keep my eyes open past 8pm. I love that I wake up starving and by 4pm I still haven’t cooked dinner b/c the thought of food is totally nauseating (although I am sure B and Ellie would love a home cooked meal sometime soon!). I love this time and I want to remember every minute of it. I have had so many people ask me if I prefer one or two and you know what I prefer…For God to have chosen us to have a safe pregnancy with a healthy baby or babies that can come home with us.

Tomorrow is a huge day. It is the day we go in and pray that we see a sac and a fetal pole. I am not counting on a heartbeat tomorrow b/c it is still a little early (5 weeks 4 days), but I do want to at least see a sac in my uterus with something inside. I am anxious, but I feel like it will all go very well. I have faith.

I always end with “please keep us in your prayers” and I wanted to let all of you know that we think of our friends and family very often. I know that each of you have your own mountains to climb and I want to let you know that I keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers daily. We are so very thankful for all of you!


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Is this really happening...?

Yesterday, at 10am I was at the hospital to have my blood drawn for my second beta test. I waited impatiently ALL DAY LONG to get the call about my numbers. A beta blood test measures the amount of hcg in your blood. HCG is the hormone secreated during pregnancy and it has a doubling time of about 48 hours. At 4:30 I still hadn't received a call, so I called them. Only they had an answering machine set to say, "We are in the process of calling clients about lab results...blah, blah, blah." So, I continued to wait impatiently...until 5:45 when I finally convinced myself that my cell phone was not going to ring with a call from my doctors office. To put it mildly I was f-u-r-i-o-u-s. After venting and planning my phone call to the office first thing in the morning I gave in to my early pregnancy symptom and just went to sleep.

I was up at 8am and I was ready to make "the" call. At 8:59.59 I dialed and of course the answering service came on, so I left a very polite message. Then I continued to wait.

The wait was totally worth it though. Our beta numbers came in yesterday at 239 which is more than double our 90 from Monday and my progesteron was 79.4 ~ both are AWESOME numbers. I am SO TOTALLY EXCITED NOW!!! I was on pins and needles waiting for our second beta number and my progesterone level b/c they are both such great indicators of whether or not this is a healthy pregnancy. It finally feels real to me...not that the extreme exhaustion and other very tell tale symptoms haven't reminded me daily.

I asked when I could come in for our first ultrasound and they seem to do things completely differently than our last RE. With the twins I went in immediately to have an ultrasound and then continued to have them every few days. After much convincing I have my first ultrasound appointment next Friday at 12:15, but I know the wait will be worth it.

Many thanks for the prayers and well wishes from all of you. We feel beyond blessed and thankful. Not only to be where we are today, but to have such faithful friends and family surrounding us.

Now, I am going to relax and grow a big, healthy baby!!!


Monday, October 19, 2009

Officially official…for now!

We are pregnant!!!

My beta hcg came back at 90 and I am only 9 days past a 5 day embryo transfer. A “normal” testing range is day 10-12 and they like to see a number around 100. So, we are a day early and VERY close to normal. Would I feel over the moon if my beta was 140…yes! However, my nurse said that 90 was a good number and that I am officially pregnant!

Now, I have to wait until Wednesday to go in for our second beta and P.R.A.Y that it doubles. I will feel super relaxed once I know that our number has doubled and that this is a healthy pregnancy. Then I am making a promise to myself to just relax and enjoy every.single.second of this miracle pregnancy.

I have a long and very cute story about how we found out we were “unofficially” pregnant, but to be perfectly honest I am so tired right now I can barely keep my eyes open! I promise to update with pics and our story very soon!

Thank you for everything you have all done for us! We need your prayers through the critical firsts in this pregnancy, but we are so thrilled to share this journey with all of you!! Our dreams have finally come true and I just can’t believe it yet!!!


Sunday, October 18, 2009

Beta Day Prayers

It’s here…beta day is tomorrow! I’m excited, but I know the hours between blood draw and results are going to be agonizing. I am looking for a good, strong, healthy number. We will go for a repeat test on Wednesday and if everything looks good we will have an ultrasound next week.

Please keep us in your prayers tomorrow. We are praying for a strong number that will indicate that there is one healthy baby in the belly!!

To pass the time this weekend we stayed very busy! I decided to go ahead and follow through with my commitment to The Foundry Holiday show on Saturday, so my SIL helped me out and it was a HUGE success! B went with us and set everything up with Connie b/c I was still taking it easy. The day flew by and I have to be totally honest I was exhausted at the end of the day!

Today, the weather was beautiful so, we decided to take Ellie to Dewberry Farm…and apparently, every other parent in the city of Houston and the surrounding areas made that decision too! It was packed (over 7000 people)! We waited F.O.R.E.V.E.R to buy our tickets online b/c the line was at least an hour long and then once we got in I wouldn’t let Ellie play on ANYTHING b/c it was so crowded with kids. We had never been there, so I had no clue it was such an attraction. We got yummy snow cones and kettle corn, waited entirely too long in the bathroom line and then made our way out to the pumpkin patch…a REAL pumpkin patch! It was so fantastic to let Ellie pick pumpkins off of the vine. We ended up with 60 pounds of pumpkin in our wheelbarrow which gave Daddy a big work out. We then loaded up and headed out. As we were walking the mile back to our car Ellie said to us, “Wow, that was a fun day!” Melt my heart!!!

Look for our update tomorrow…we are anticipating some very good news!!!


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Our Embabies

I am so pleased to introduce you to our precious little miracles...our Embabies #7 and #10!

No new news on whether or not our little blessings actually implanted. I have a much longer post to put up later today, but it is nap time for now!


Saturday, October 10, 2009

It's all in HIS hands

Well, the transfer took a little longer than we expected for a few reasons.

1. The genetics lab didn’t have the results to the hospital at 10:30
2. As we expected…we had some difficult decisions to make

We arrived at 9:00 on the dot even though we were set for a 9:30 transfer. On transfer day you are supposed to have a full bladder…very full! So, like a good little patient I drank and drank my liter of water I bought with me. At 9:30 they called us into our room even though the results weren’t there yet and for 2 excruciatingly long hours we waited…and waited…and waited…listening to the cheap clock on the wall “tick, tick, tick.” It was freezing cold and I couldn’t even lay down because I had to use the bathroom so badly.

Finally, at 11:30 we had the results. I got into my gown, booties and cap and B got into his surgery gear. We went back to the procedure room and waited for the doctor. I am going to be honest I don’t remember what our conversation was word for word, so I will give you the gist. He said we had some beautiful grade 4 blastocysts ~ unfortunately all but one of our embryos was affected with CF. There were three that have the R117H (7T deleation) and PS686Y (Ellie's mutations). So, our options were very limited. Our one carrier embryo was only a grade 2 embryo…they grade them 1-4 with 1 being the lowest grade. We knew this was a possibility, but to be perfectly honest I was not expecting this to be our case. So, that is where the difficult choices come in. We know we can’t transfer any of the DeltaF508 b/c that mutation typically causes a more clinical representation of CF and we don’t know how it manifests itself with the PS686Y mutation. However, we talked to several specialists about transferring embryos with Ellie’s mutations. It is all so scientific and I WISH I could explain exactly what he said to us. Those three embryos with CF would be classified as having CF by their DNA(genotype), but there was a slim chance they would have clinical CF(phenotype). Out of those three with CF we had a grade 4, 3, and 2. So, we transferred the grade 2 carrier with roughly 30% chance it will result in a pregnancy and our grade 4 with a 50% chance it will result in a pregnancy. The most amazing part of the grade 4 is that it had already started hatching and we got to see a picture of it and our other little embryo right before they transferred them. Truly amazing! We froze the remaining 2 embryos; however all of the embryos affected with the DeltaF508 had to be destroyed.

So, now we wait and pray. I am almost at a loss for words. I am totally emotionally and physically exhausted. I was just lying on the hospital bed in silence and poor B said, “Hey, how about thinking out loud.” When I get scared or nervous I clam up and internalize everything. So, now B and Biddy are out with Ellie and I am in bed praying that one of our perfect little creations wants to make its home inside of my uterus for the next 9 months. I know all of you have been praying for us so diligently and we thank you. I go back in 10 days for a blood test, so please call all of your prayer warriors and tell them our story. We know God’s plan has already been determined, but prayers for our acceptance of whatever may come are greatly needed.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Leaving on jet plane

What a day! I have been awake for 19 hours and 23 minutes and I am just about worn out. It was a day full of emotion and nervous energy and I am glad that I am finally ready to make it my yesterday.

I woke up at 2:09 this morning…not with a sick baby or a dog begging to be let out, but because my mind was racing a mile a minute. I worry about ridiculous stuff like: if I remembered to take all of the right meds, what is on my schedule to be completed for work, what am I going to get at the grocery store for my family to eat while I am on restricted activity for the next few days, why don’t I have any family pictures from Bennett’s funeral (what?), what do I want to make for dinner, orders that need to be placed for business supplies, and the list goes on. At 4:00am (after I had been listening to B’s alarm go off for nearly an hour) I decided it was time to rise and shine. Lying in bed to daydream for 2 hours was totally unacceptable ~ clearly it was time to start the day. So, that is exactly what I did. At 4am I was in the office buying merchandise, sending emails and completing orders. Fun times! I actually got a lot accomplished before Ellie woke up at 8:30 which made me feel good. Little did I realize how far I had to go!

After making breakfast and eating with Ellie it was back to the office for mommy. Every minute that ticked by on the clock felt like hours. I was fully aware of what time it was and I was just waiting for 10am to come. My nurse gave me the green light to call them after 10am if I hadn’t heard from them. So, at 10:04 (ample grace time) I made the call. I could tell that they were rushed, but I was dying to find out how many embryos had made it through the past 2 days. She gave me my transfer time for Saturday morning, but no embryo info. I asked her if they had the reports from the embryologist and she said they hadn’t been entered yet….WHAT??? I had already waited 2 VERY LONG days and there was no telling how much longer it was going to take. She said, “I will give you a call later today when the results come my way.” Politely, I said “thank you” and then I hung up…deflated and emotionally drained.

As the day progressed I killed the time by organizing Ellie’s clothes, shoes, socks, training pants and hair bows…I mean why do the REAL work I had piled up on the desk when I could just waste time cleaning???

At noon I went back to the office to work and I waited…and waited…and waited…all the while dying for the phone to just ring with a friendly voice on the other end giving me the news.

At about 2pm I couldn’t take it any longer. I sent an email to sweet Sarah (our genetic counselor) and asked if she had heard anything from FSH. I hurriedly typed the email b/c Ellie was eating a weight watchers toffee nut ice cream stick on my cream carpet(oh, who am I kidding it is more like cookies and cream these days) and the chocolate was falling off in chunks! We headed to the bathroom for a little intervention and the phone started ringing!!! Hallelujah! I ran from the bathroom with toilet paper in my hands and my 2 year old still standing at the sink WITH THE WATER RUNNING to gather the news.
Here it is:
Our 14th embryo did actually start to grow and displayed a normal cell structure. So, out of our 14 embryos they biopsied 11 to fly to Michigan! 11…11…11…I am so in love with that number! I have been running stats in my head (and on a calculator) and I was pretty convinced we would be closer to 8…so, I was thrilled when she said 11. Then I went psycho on her and asked a million specific questions. They grade embryos based on days past retrieval. Every day they check them they expect for there to be a certain amount of cells and the look for fragmentation. On day 3 they expect to see between 6-8 cells (although some sites will tell you 7-10). I won’t bore you (even though I find it fascinating) with the little details, but you can go here to check out all of the specifics. Anyway, I wanted to know what “grade” they had given each of our embryos. We have 4 embryos at the 6 cell stage, 5 embryos at the 7 cell stage and 2 at the 8 cell stage. An 8 cell day three embryo is like the cream of the crop! However, I am very proud of all of our little embryos! One cell from each of our microscopic little embryos was being biopsied and prepared for transfer…on a jet plane…all the way to our dream team in Michigan. They will arrive tomorrow and my sweet friend Sarah has been given strict instructions to give all 11 of them a very stern talking to! CF is not an option for them, so they better get their DNA together before the genetic testing begins! I have full faith that she will instill “the fear” in them for me.

All kidding aside…we feel truly blessed. I have literally been holding my breath for days…every time the phone rings my heart stops. I pray nonstop that I have the strength to accept the path God has chosen for me. I am excited, scared, hopeful and nervous just to name a few adjectives. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to come this far; to be able to try our IVF again with PGD, to hire the best doctors and geneticists. I know that I have done everything I can humanly do to try for another biological child and the rest is up to God. I feel good right now (maybe delirium has set in) but, I know tomorrow will bring with it new hurdles. Oh, and if you were wondering how my bathroom faired with the toddler and the running faucet…let me just say it rivaled the scene at a splash pad in the middle of the summer…with 50 kids playing. Fun times!

Prayers for Saturday PLEASE. Prayers that we have one or two embryos without CF. Prayers for our doctors as they guide us in making some potentially difficult decisions. Prayers for patience and peace for B and myself. You have all been wonderful to us through this wonderful ride and we are almost there…thank you.

A funny little story about my little angel girl before I go. I am teaching Ellie the Days of the Week. We are doing a good job of detailing what we will do on a given day…for example, I tell Ellie, “On Friday we are going to the grocery store. That is tomorrow”. So, last night we were singing our Days of the Week song and I was snapping my fingers. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Okay, let’s sing…here we go
E: Mommy what’s wrong with my fingers?
Me: Well, I don’t know let me see
E: See…they aren’t working! (as she tried to snap here pointer finger and her middle finger on both hands)
Me: Sweetie it just takes practice.
E: No, they are just broken.
Me: No, they are not broken (I shaped her finger to teach her how to snap) you just have to keep working hard at it.
E: Well, how about you snap and I’ll just clap!

I started laughing hysterically!!! I couldn’t decide if she was lazy or a genius! I mean she improvised with her own way of being actively involved and creating music, but she was sure NOT going to try and learn to snap! There is something that she does that makes me laugh so hard I have tears…what a blessing!


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

13 is our lucky number

Out of our 19 "eggs" they retrieved 15 were mature and 14 fertilized. However, one of the fertilized embryos did not have normal cell structure, so the final number today is 13!

It's funny to me b/c last IVF cycle we had 13 eggs fertilize as well...13 would only be OUR lucky number!!!

We will not get another update until Thursday when they biopsy the embryos because they are tucked away in a little incubator diving cells like they should.

Please continue to pray for great embryo numbers on Thursday. We expect at least 50%of the remaining embryos to have, the more we have to chose from the better quality we can transfer.


Monday, October 5, 2009

The hen is home

Just a little fertility humor! We are home and I am doing my best to stay awake for longer than 1 hour. They retrieved 19 eggs today which is a huge blessing. We won't know how many are mature or how many fertilize until tomorrow afternoon.

Thank you for your continued prayers and all of your support. I will update tomorrow with more details.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

It's a GO!!!

So, as I was processing the WONDERFUL news we got today it reminded me of our journey through the NICU. There are no certainties and it is a constant uphill battle. One minute you are up and the next you are down and no one can tell you what tomorrow holds. That is exactly what IVF is like. There are a million variables that fit into the IVF equation. Yesterday, we were told we were missing a huge variable, but with God’s grace we were given different news today.

What I really want to say is: Curse the ultrasound tech that started the bad news train yesterday! Now, I’ll be the bigger person and just be thankful for the news we got today and for the girl that actually CARED about doing her job and did it well.

This is what happened. I went in yesterday morning for my u/s and blood work. The u/s tech was in a rush (she always is) and I could tell by the way she did my u/s that she wasn’t doing a thorough job. When the nurse read my scan results to me I was in shock. The u/s tech showed only 6 really good sized follies on the right and 6 ok sized follies on the left. There was a huge discrepancy in the results from Wednesday’s u/s (that was done by the sweet nurse at the satellite office) and the one on Friday. I was missing a lot of follicles on Friday that had been there on the previous scans. Now, I understand that there is going to be some human error, but seriously missing a big number of follies is a HUGE mistake that should not happen. Furthermore, I think I slept for 4 hours total last night b/c I was so sick to my stomach that something had gone terribly wrong. Stress is my enemy, remember!

So, I was up at 6:15 this morning showered, dressed and out of the door with the family in tow by 7:50. We got to the hospital in time and I was met by a different u/s tech. I felt so at peace with everything right before the scan began I had the feeling that this was all going to turn out just right. Still, I would have loved to have known the results right away…not a possibility. There is a large neon green sign posted on the side of the u/s machine that reads, “The u/s staff has been instructed by the doctors NOT to discuss your results with you.” Heart warming, isn’t it???

So, I decided to beat the system and count every time she measured a follicle. You see, when a measurement is taken the u/s tech puts the cross-hair on one end and then at the other and when the measurement is taken the machine beeps. Being the college graduate that I am (Go Red Raiders!!!)…I decided to count the beeps!!! GENIUS!

When I was done, I met B in the lobby and I shared my brilliant “beat the system” news with him. I counted 11 beeps on the right and 7 beeps on the left…which makes 18 follicles. I knew that was only one part of the puzzle though. My estrogen level was next and it would have had to go up in order for our cycle to be a go.

The phlebotomist was awesome this morning. She used a totally new spot that isn’t already bruised and she was in and out with no pain at all! Now it was just time to wait.

Thankfully, I have been seeing a massage therapist every Saturday to help me relax and I had my appointment with her at 11am. I discovered that I also had a hair appointment following that, so it turned into a great day for me to just relax. I told B on our way to the hospital this morning that if we got bad news he would need to get his mom over to our house to babysit because I would be going out to drink…a lot! When I found out I had my hair appointment I thought, “Fantastic, if I end up going out tonight my hair will look great!”

After I told my hairdresser the situation he told me this was my pregnancy hair…since I won’t be able to go in and have it colored for a few months! It was cute.

So, while I was sitting in the chair to have my hair colored the phone rang…it was my nurse! I was shaking and then her voice said, “Okay, are you ready for some instructions???” I just started crying…hysterically…in the salon!!! My first words were, “So, it’s a go…we can do it.” She told me it was great news and to take a second to take a big deep breath. She went on with our instructions and then read me my follicle size, lining measurement and estrogen level. They are all FANTASTIC! I have 17 great sized follies, my estrogen is at almost 3200 and my lining is at a 10. I am going into surgery at 6:45 on Monday morning for our retrieval!!!!!!! YEA…AND PRAISE GOD! I honestly feel like I am on top of the world today. I told B on our way home that I feel like I did at the beginning of this process…relaxed and ready to be successful!

Our embryos will be biopsied on Thursday and one cell from each embryo will be flown to Michigan and taken by courier to Genesis Genetics where the “blue” team is ready to analyze the cells and id which ones have CF and which ones are only carriers. We will get that info and prepare for transfer on Saturday, October 10th! A few days of bed rest (and lots of prayers) and hopefully a little sticky bun will implant itself in my uterus.

So, after our great news today we took Ellie to get a new pair of shoes and then we treated ourselves to dinner and then to a movie! Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is my ALLTIME favorite picture book and it was awesome to see in IMAX 3D.

I took my trigger shot at 7:30 on the dot this evening and tomorrow I actually get a break from all needles!

Thank you for all of your prayers. We will need them for the next few weeks and I truly want you all to know that they mean the world to us right now. We know we are still traveling uphill, but we’re still traveling and that is a miracle!

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Psalms 118:24


Friday, October 2, 2009

The Sky is Falling

Well, I hate to say that I expected this…so, maybe I should just say I am not totally shocked.

My body is just not cooperating like we need it to. According to the u/s today I have 13 follies, but there are a few in that group that are questionable as far as maturity is concerned. Also, my estrogen level is not rising as quickly as the doctor would like it to. Today will be the 8th day of shots and the doctor would like to have seen the estrogen at about 2500 and it is at 1964. The issue when the estrogen starts to plateau is that it means the smaller follicles will not continue to grow and mature. Right now we still need my smaller follies to grow a little, so if my estrogen doesn’t rise with tomorrow’s blood results they will cancel this IVF cycle. Yes, I said C.A.N.C.E.L. That is heartbreaking for me to even type.

I just don’t know what I could have done differently or if my body will ever cooperate. I am just so disappointed right now. So, we will wait for tomorrow and PRAY that my levels rise like they should…

If I could ask for one thing from all of you it would be to please keep us in your prayers the next few days. Strength, patience, courage, faith and hope are all things we can’t lose sight of right now.