Bennett David Kahl

Bennett David Kahl
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers Ephesians 1:16

Thursday, December 31, 2009

The End...

WOW! As 2008 turned into 2009 I never imagined the mountains we would have to climb. This year brought us month after month of challenges, but ultimately we are stronger today because of them.

Here is our year end review:

January: We were full of hope as 2009 started. We made the decision to go ahead with our frozen IVF transfer and prepared for it with doctor visits and a procedure to check my uterus. All was looking good until January 6th. A call from our previous RE brought news that I was a carrier of CF. That was devastating to me...but, after a few hours of digging and an additional call to the doctor it was revealed that I actually had CF defined by 2 present mutations. That moment would change our year...and our lives forever.

February: We kicked off our Team Chunky Monkey fundraising for The March of Dimes in February and had a wonderful response. February also brought Ellie's first serious illness and our first and second trips to Texas Children's Hospital because of it.

March: March brought beautiful weather and RODEO time! We were lucky enough to take Ellie to the rodeo twice and she had a blast. It ended with Ellie getting chicken pox and me in the hospital with a virus! The big scare of March was the visit to the orthopedic surgeon to check on Ellie's irregular gait. The doctor was very knowledgable and suspects that Ellie has a very mild form of CP. He recommends we let her continue to develope and check her again at 4 years of age.

April: April was a good month! It brought our Team Chunky Monkey crawfish fundraiser, the March of Dimes walk, my 31st birthday and B's favorite time of year...the NFL draft!

May: May means Mother's Day. I love being blessed enough to celebrate this day, but it's always hard without my Bennett. May also brought the long awaited for headstone for our little man. It would take us a few weeks, but it would become clear to us that we had overlooked the death date on Bennett's headstone...a minor bump in the road. B had a business trip to Scottsdale, AZ and Ellie, Biddie and I tagged along so we could visit with Aunt Courtney. It was an amazing trip and we all had a blast! We ended the month with a visit to our new fertility doctor and came out with the diagnosis of a blood clotting disorder that would affect any future pregnancies.

June: Aside from Father's Day being in June...the rest of the month was a nightmare. June meant that Bennett had been gone for 2 whole years...2 years of grieving the loss of our precious little boy. It also brought the results of Brandon's CF revealed that B was in fact a carrier of a very rare CF mutation. We were devastated and we knew this would impact our chances of having another biological child.

July: We spent July having fun with our growing little girl and friends and family. We also spent it waiting to hear the results from our DNA probes...

August: In August we took a family trip to Sea World with my best friend and her was fantastic! However, the next week Ellie ended up with an upper respiratory infection and a week later our lives were rocked when Ellie was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis...because she spent so much time being sick and she was currently getting over being ill, they were nice enough to get us right in to see the pulmonologist. We fell in love with the CF team and I knew our baby was in good hands.

September: Ellie had her very first hair cut in September and we FINALLY started our 2nd IVF journey. The month was filled with ultrasounds and blood draws and all was looking good.

October: October started with some disturbing news. An ultrasound tech reported that my follicles had not grown as much as they needed to in order to continue on with our IVF cycle. We were heartbroken and scared, but a follow up a few days later revealed that all systems were a GO!!! On October 5th we had our egg retrievel and on October 10 we transferred 2 embryos. Six days later I took a home pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE! I was blown away...truly shocked and overwhelmed with greatfullness. On October 19th, our pregnancy was confirmed ~ it was one of the best days of our lives. Two weeks later we had an ultrasound to confirm a viable pregnancy and we actually got to see the heart was a beautiful site.

November: We spent the first part of the month enjoying our little girl and our growing miracle and then we got a little surprise on November 17th when I was diagnosed with another SCH. The second half of the month was spent on bedrest, but our little sticky bun was still growing!

December: B turned 32 the first week of the month!!! Ellie turned 3 the second week of the month and the third week Ellie became super sick. After 4 trips to the doctor B finally ended up spending a night at Texas Children's with our little angel. She had viral pneumonia, a head cold and cultured e-coli in her sputum culture...but, we made it through and we are all doing great now.

Recapping 2009 makes me realize how far we have come. Some months seemed to be filled with challenges, but after all of that here we stand. We are all healthy, we are all happy, we have a beatiful little girl, an angel watching over us and a miracle baby on the way. I am praying that 2010 will bring us the blessing of a new life and good health for all of us. I have learned that life is not without challenges, so we will be waiting for them as they arise.

I pray that 2010 brings abundant blessings and happiness to all of you! Have a fun and safe New Year's Eve and a relaxing New Year's Day!!!


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Because now she is 3...

I recently realized that the reason I started my blog was so I wouldn't feel as guilty for NOT starting a scrapbook. This blog and our previous babysite were ways for me to document Ellie and Bennett and keep a running record of how they were changing and growing. When Bennett died this blog became my venting space...a place I could write the things I couldn't admit outloud.

Now I feel like maybe I missed all of Ellie's second year...the cute things she says and does on a daily basis, basically the things most mom's scrapbook. So, I am going to try and catch up on Ellie and all of her funny little personality traits!

Now that Ellie is 3 I see such a change in her.

*Ellie carries on full (and I mean FULL) conversations with everyone and anyone!
*Ellie is totally potty trained and always wants to use the restroom "all by myself"
*Ellie is active (most public school teachers might even say HYPERactive)
*Ellie loves music. She has a piano, flute, guitar and drum set and sometimes we are lucky enough to have her play them all in one day!
*She loves to ride her bike, ride on her rollerskater, play with her bubble machine; basically she loves to play outside!
*She is the most (I am biased) loving and compassionate child I know.
*She is super independent...which reminds me of ME!
*She knows right when she has done something wrong and she promptly says, "I'm sorry mommy...I love you." and it works most of the time!
*She LOVES to play in her room with the door closed like such a big girl
*She loves to help mommy cook in the kitchen ~ if I am in the kitchen she is on her stool helping.
*She will eat anything you make for her, but she L.O.V.E.S soup of any kind...even the hot and sour soup from chinese take out!
*She does her neb treatment without any complaints and she will take any medicine she is on with no issue. (She did protest the e-coli meds at first, but I don't blame her they were like cement!)
*She is going to be a TALL girl! She is in the 91% for her age!!!
*She is usually at the 50% for her weight which makes the CF clinic very happy, but she has recently lost a lot of weight because she has been so sick. I am a little worried about our next CF clinic in 3 weeks...maybe I can get her to gain it back by then!
*It takes me almost as long to get her ready in the morning as it does myself.
*Her hair is so curly you have to go through this routine: wash and condition with special products. Gently comb and put in her soft foam and then diffuse it...and squinch as you is CRAZY!
*Ellie loves to look like a put together princess and she will wait for her hairbow and then look in the bathroom mirror and say, "Do I look beautiful mommy?" and YES she always does!
*If we are at home Ellie refuses to wear clothes and only wants to wear her jammies. This kills me because almost all of her outfits come from boutiques and she looks adorable in them! However, we wear our cute "jammies" with our slippers at home ~ this will change post deilvery!
*Ellie is obsessed with our ears. It comforts her to rub on our ear lobes...or pull them which hurts like crazy!
*Ellie is also obsessed with her umbrella! She waits for it to rain so she can play with it!
*Ellie is a smart little girl which I hope will make home schooling an "easy" transition for us...even though I taught for 5 years I am still nervous about teaching her and whether or not she will learn what she needs to.
*Ellie loves her dogs "Boskers the Moskers" and "Baggie" (Bo and Gabbie)
*Ellie still sleeps with us and we LOVE it. She is a cuddle bug and we know there will be a day that she wants to sleep in her own room ~ and we will be right there to support her when she makes that decision.

I know I am missing a million other little facts about Ellie and it is my goal to keep track of them from now on. She is amazing and she is a miracle. She is the love of our lives!!!

**We have decided that NOW is the time to start our pre-k homeschool program with Ellie and I came across the most amazing FREE resource for all of you mom's debating an at home program. As a "retired" teacher I am impressed with how complete this program seems to be and obviously how easy it will be to suppliment additional activities I have in mind. Here is the site:

Happy teaching!!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

14 week check-up

Well, I got out of the house yesterday...even if it was just for my check-up!

Biddie is still getting better, so my mom went with me and we took Ellie. It was fun to get dressed up and have lunch at Escalante's before the very brief visit from the doctor. I felt normal for the first time in a long time...well, a little normal anyway!

I got right in with the nurse when we arrived and she promptly weighed me (why did I eat so much at lunch?) and then we got to listen to the baby's heart with the doppler. I think they expect this to be such a fun moment, but truth be told I purchased a doppler when I found out we were pregnant because I knew being able to listen to the heartbeat before I could feel any movement would provide me with a sense of peace. However, Ellie LOVES to listen to the baby's heart and my mom had never heard it, so it was a fun experience. As I laid down on the table Ellie said, "It's okay mommy, it won't hurt and you will be okay." How sweet! Can you tell she has been to the doctor a time or two!

The heartbeat was at 162 beats per minute. At 10 weeks pregnant with the twins they both had a heart rate of, still no defining info to point toward girl or boy for sure. (except my mother's intuition...which we will get to put to the test in a few weeks!)

We waited for the doctor to get back from a delivery and she was in and out with no new news. They tested for any infection lingering from the cerclage and we will know results in about 4 days. I asked her if she was going to check the cervix and her response was, "The less we dig aroung in there the better..." so, I guess we will just wait to see what the perinatologist says in two weeks.

Yes, finally we are only 2 weeks away from our meeting with the peri! I am thrilled because I will see him once a month and he will do ultrasounds each time. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will have a nice nurse and MAYBE we will get to peek at the "goods." Also, because I will be seeing the peri now it means that I have a doctor visit every two weeks. I feel a sense of reassurance being able to be seen so often because it gives me a chance to bring up every concern I have often.

I am thrilled to be at 14 weeks! Truth be told, I am thrilled when each day ends without incident because it means we are one day closer to viability...which is still about 10 weeks away. I know I will get there and beyond for that matter. So, in the meantime I will continue to sit here on this couch and be the best incubator I can be!

How far along: 14 weeks 1 day (or 14w3d according to my Ob)

Total weight gain/loss: Up 2 pounds, but I'm blaming the mexican food I ate for lunch!

Maternity clothes: Yes - and comfy lounge clothes. Mimi bought me a few cute tops yesterday that I can wear at home to make me feel a little "prettier" than my sweats do.

Stretch marks: Left over from the twins! I am thinking I can't possibly get anymore!

Sleep: I have had a few good nights of sleep. Having B at home for the holiday was great because I didn't have his alarm to wake me up!

Best moment last week: Christmas! It was such a beautiful moment when I realized that we will have 5 stockings hanging on our mantel next year.

Symptoms: Frequent urination, fatigue, horrible heartburn!

Food cravings: Anything salty. I am loving apple juice and anything with jalapenos on it. I can't stand the thought of chicken at all! I am not much of a meat eater, but for some reason I can't wait for B to go to the store and get sausage...with cheese in it! Sounds disgusting, but I can't wait to eat it as my pork "tradidtion" on New Year's Day with my jalapeno black eyed peas and sauted mouth is watering!

Gender: I still think it is a little girl. This baby has a very calm personality just like Bennett did. I teeter back and forth, but I have felt girl from the beginning, so I'll stick with it!

I miss: Not one thing! I love being pregnant. It is the most amazing experience and I would do this 5 more times if I could. I do wish though that I could be the cute pregnant girl walking around the mall or going to the grocery store...but, I'm just as happy being the pregnant girl on the couch!

What I am looking forward to: Getting dressed up for my next doctor's appointment to the peri on January 12th. I am going to start taking pictures of each doctor day, so at least I'll have some cute belly bump pics.

Milestones: Being in the 2nd trimester! Yeah for 14 weeks!

Prayers: That my subchorionic does not continue to grow (it did get larger from .90 to 1.3.) That my urine culture comes back negative for any infection following the cerclage. That my cerclage is all my body needed to keep this baby growing until 36 weeks. I pray that the bleeding does not begin and that my body will heal itself and reabsorb the blood clot. I am praying for a big, fat baby to keep growing quickly and ahead of schedule because if this body doesn't cooperate we will need a big baby to handle the prematurity!

Thank you for sticking with us through this journey! Your prayers comfort us as we anxiously make it through each day.


Sunday, December 27, 2009

Family Time

I love the holidays. I love the decorations, the lights, the food, the shopping and even the wrapping.

This year it was difficult to feel as much excitement because there were so many things I couldn't do. I didn't get to shop while they played the Christmas music and I didn't get to pick out the perfect gifts for each member of the family...I didn't even get to do my perfect tree topper bow with streamers. This left me a little sad as Christmas Eve came to an end.

However, I realized as B, Ellie and I relaxed all day on Christmas Day that it was all perfect despite all of the things I didn't get to do. Ellie was thrilled to see that Santa had come to visit her and B and I had a great time opening gifts from each other (thanks to a little help from my personal shopper). The best part of this holiday is that we were all together at our house and the reason we got the chance to just relax is because of this little miralce growing inside of me. I thought Christmas Day was perfect, but the next day was even better!

My husband is awesome! He is dedicated to his family, he has a wonderful faith, he is a VERY hard worker and he is probably the funniest person I know. B decided to have an Iron Chef day after Christmas and boy did he deliver!

On Christmas night he started the smoker and put a brisket on at 8pm. He woke up every 2 hours through the night to make sure the meat cooked correctly. On Saturday, after our meat had cooked for 20 hours we had a feast fit for royalty. A perfectly smoked brisket, homemade jalapeno poppers, and delicious salsa.

It was the perfect family day of eating and relaxing. Uncle Dave joined us which made the day even more fun and wrapped up the holiday on such a wonderful note.

I am sad that this holiday season is almost over, but I am so excited for the wonderful times we have ahead in the next few time with our newest family member!


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Well...that was painful!

Not the cerclage itself...but, the days following have been very challenging!

Let me back up to surgery day. It was an early start, but we were right on time and feeling good about the whole process. A very good friend recently had the same procedure done and she provided a ton of info for me that really allowed me to relax about the whole surgery. I registered, walked back to pre-surgery, changed, listened to our baby's heartbeat and then B and I just waited. At 10:45 they came back with a wheelchair to bring me back to the pre-op surgical area. Only patients were allowed beyond that point, so B made himself comfortable in the waiting room. My IV was started and things seemed to be moving along. Then I noticed that my surgery time had passed, then another hour and then a sweet nurse came to tell me that my doctor had an emergency delivery. Okay...I can understand I have been on the emergency side of delivery before, so I waited patiently. Then another hour...and another hour and keep in mind I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. So, finally at 4:00 my doctor came in and was ready to get the party started. They let B come back and kiss me good luck and then we were off. Surgery went well and I was in recovery about 45 minutes after they took me back. I did have a small problem with my lungs after surgery, but nothing a little albuterol didn't take care of. I was so ready to get out of there, but to be honest if I had been totally with it I probably would have stayed in recovery a little while longer. I didn't wait for the nurse to come get me from my room I just walked up to the desk and by the time I got there I thought I was going to pass out (I blame my impatience on the drugs!). Apparently, I didn't look so good b/c the nurse said that my face had lost it's color and I needed a wheelchair. Finally, we were out of there and on the way we were blessed to run into Bennett's Aunt Charlette. B picked up dinner and finally we were back home and resting and eating for the first time in 24 hours.

Upon arrival, I noticed that Ellie sounded a lot more congested than she had the previous day. We didn't really make a big deal about her sounding worse b/c we were so exhausted. However, at 3am we were surprised with a seriously congested little girl who was running almost a 103 temperature. I really couldn't move, so B gave her some meds and put her in the bath. After about 2 hours of taking care of her we all fell back asleep. We decided to take her to the Saturday clinic to get checked out even though she had already been to the doctor three times that week. There was really no new news from the doctor, but he did prescribe a DM syrup for her congestion.

Saturday turned into Sunday and Ellie wasn't making any progress. Biddie started to sound like she had what Ellie had and I was pretty much bed bound because of the surgery and some bleeding. It was stressful to say the least!

Sunday evening Ellie really seemed to go downhill. She was tired and very congested sounding. By the time we got into bed Ellie was having difficulty breathing. She was wheezing and had developed a croup sounding cough. I was terrified just listening her try to breathe and so we decided that B would have to take her to Texas Children's Hospital. He called the emergency CF clinic number and told them what was going on and asked them to alert the ER that he was on his way with her. As I got her out of bed I noticed that her skin was mottled and her toes were ice cold and pale. She was clearly having trouble oxygenating her blood and I was hysterical because I couldn't be with her as they left. To be truthful, that was one of the toughest moments of my mommy career. Even though B and Biddie were with her I think a mom always feels like only they know what is best for their baby...or at least that is how I feel!

They got to the ER and immediately got into a critical care room. After SEVERAL hours and many tests there was still no real change in her diagnosis. The virus that she had made it's way into her lungs and because of her CF she went from bad to worse super fast. They put her on a new antibiotic and released her early Monday morning...just in time for B to make it home for our 7 year wedding anniversary. Really...our lucky number 7 wedding anniversary! How fitting that it started in the ER!

B came home, his mom went home (b/c by this point she was sounding pretty bad as well) and we all finally went to sleep...and then B was up 2 hours later to make it to work.

So, when I say it's been painful...I mean it has been a pain for all of us! It has been a long week which is unfortunate because it is my most favorite week of the entire year. We are blessed to all be at home and all be on our way to healing.

Despite the many challenges of the last few days we are ready to celebrate the miracle and the birth of Jesus Christ our Savior together as a family. We will have family over on Christmas Eve and then we will enjoy Christmas Day together at home watching Ellie open her gifts from Santa. Our lives are so full and we are so blessed.

Merry Christmas to all of our friends and family that we are not fortunate enough to see this holiday season.

"Make a noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise."
Psalm 98:4


Thursday, December 17, 2009

Goodbye First Tri!

I wanted to keep a weekly record of this little survey, but I have had zero time and a broken computer. So, I figure I'll start now and continue it from here!

How far along: 12 weeks 4 days

Total weight gain/loss: Was up 2 lbs, but lost them somewhere! Back to even!

Maternity clothes: Yes - and comfy lounge clothes. Really, I don't go anywhere, so comfort is the key!

Stretch marks: Left over from the twins!

Sleep: Fitful. I fall asleep easily but wake often. Oh, and a sick toddler doesn't help.

Best moment last week: Starting to feel the "twitches" in the belly. I KNOW I didn't feel them as early with the twins, but I didn't know what to pay attention to or what it was supposed to feel like! I love it when I cough b/c it is pretty much a guarantee that the baby will move.

Symptoms: Frequent urination, fatigue, horrible heartburn!

Food cravings: Anything salty. I don't really crave anything. In fact I can't fathom eating the same thing more than leftovers for this girl!

Gender: I think it is a little girl. This baby has a very calm personality just like Bennett did. I teeter back and forth, but I have felt girl from the beginning, so I'll stick with it!

I miss: Not one thing! I love being pregnant. It is the most amazing experience and I would do this 5 more times if I could.

What I am looking forward to: I look forward to every single day ending without any emergencies. I don't want to wish this pregnancy away, but I can't wait to hold a healthy baby in my arms.

Milestones: The end of the first trimester! (almost)

Prayers: That my subchorionic does not continue to grow (it did get larger from .90 to 1.3. That my cerclage goes well and there are no complications. That our little baby continues to grow and remains safe in my troubled uterus! I pray that the bleeding does not begin and that my body will heal itself and reabsorb the blood clot. I really need prayers for my anxiety and constant worries that something is going to happen.

That's it for now! 12 weeks down and with a ton of prayers and some medical intervention hopefully we will have 24 weeks left!

What in the world???

So, Monday didn't exactly end like we had planned for our big birthday celebration. In fact, this week hasn't exactly gone the way we had planned. Fortunately, we are used to this by now and "rolling with the punches" is just how we expect to live life!

On Monday, Ellie arrived home with my mom and looked super tired. I figured the doctor and errands had worn her out, so she cuddled up on the couch to watch her new movie and relax. About an hour later she was yelling at me to help her. When I asked her what she needed help with she said she had to go potty. No biggie! We made it into the bathroom where I took her pants off of her and noticed that her skin was burning up. Her legs were bright red and super hot. So, I took the rest of her clothes off and her entire body was red and burning up. She got off of the potty and went to lay on our bathroom floor...not normal behavior. Obviously, I decided to take her temperature and discovered that Ellie was running 103.3 fever.

After a minor panic attack I called B and asked him to come home right away. I knew Biddy was going to be back soon, but I figured B might need to run her to the doctor...again. I called the doctor and we decided to just try fever control with Motrin and Tylenol before bringing her back in. It worked out well and for the rest of the afternoon I medicated her and watched her fever fall back towards the normal range.

Even with the fever and all of the meds, Ellie ate like a big three year old that night at dinner, so I figured maybe it was just a fever reaction from the shots.

However, at 2am Brandon woke me up and asked me to feel Ellie's head. She was burning up again! So, we started with the Motrin and Tylenol and I stayed up with her from 3 until the doctor's office opened up at 8:30 and they asked us to bring her in for a CBC.

Seeing as I am on bed rest...B had to play Mr. Mom and take Ellie in to the pedi. They did find an elevated white blood count and he gave her a diagnosis of viral pneumonia. B left with her Rx and headed home. I knew I had to call the CF clinic after this diagnosis and I was sure they would want to see her...and I was praying they would not admit her.

So, after his trip to the pedi and his 3 hours of working at home, B was back off to Texas Children's Hospital. They had x-rays, several cultures and a nasal rinse and they came home with a new list of issues. It seems that Ellie does have a viral infection, but her CF doc didn't want to label it pneumonia b/c it could have also been a strain of the flu. In addition to that she cultured e-coli in her sputum culture and she has a head cold. Really??? My healthy 3 year old that was still running around the house with a 102 just doesn't make sense.

Initially, I felt so guilty because I was sure the birthday party had played a major role in all of this. However, I really feel like it is my job as Ellie's mom to make her childhood as "normal" as it can be DESPITE her CF. Typically, we follow every single order from our doctors and we avoid most kid gatherings especially this time of year. I struggled with myself over the decision to have a birthday party or not and after I saw how excited Ellie was about getting to have "her" birthday I knew we didn't have a choice. So, I am sure this will be a battle for us every year, but I can't imagine making Ellie feel like she is "different" by not allowing her to have a party. We will just plan on antibiotics this time of year...every year...and we will be following all of our "rules" the rest of the time!

During the whole illness discovery my Dell laptop decided that it was time to retire for good. So, after the "blue screen of death" and the threats to erase my entire hard drive we turned her off and took out her battery. I felt like I was so lost because here my daughter is being diagnosed with some pretty serious issues and I don't even have a computer to research off of. We do have a home PC, but I can't sit up in that room and spend hours researching. So, my wonderful mom went out of her way to buy a new laptop for me and now I am back in business! I never realized how old the Dell was until I got this HP! I feel like I went from the "old school" cell phone to an iphone! It's awesome!!!

Last, but certainly not least...tomorrow is the BIG surgery day! FINALLY!!! It was switched from Tuesday at the outpatient surgery center (b/c I was considered too high risk with my CF and my blood clotting issues) and moved to 3pm on Friday! Really...3pm with nothing to eat for 12 hours??? Do they not realize that I am pregnant? Anyway, I got a call this morning that the surgery had been moved again to 12 noon. Which is better than 3! So, tomorrow morning I will check in at The Women's Hospital at 8am for my 12 noon surgery...and I'll be praying the whole time that all goes well! I am nervous, but only that this surgery will cause something to happen to the baby. I am praying that I won't get an infection and that the surgery itself won't cause me to have any contractions...the more I type the more I realize how I really feel about tomorrow!

So, there it is! Our unplanned, crazy, "Kahl" style week! What would we do without all of the excitement?

I know all of you take such great care of our family in your prayers and we appreciate it. I would appreciate any extra prayers for a healthy surgery tomorrow and a quick recovery!

I'll update when the drugs wear off.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Happy Birthday Little Miracles

I really can’t believe this day is here already. On one hand it is so exciting because Ellie is thrilled to finally have her birthday. On the other hand it seems surreal that three years have already passed.

The memories I have from this day three years ago still bring tears to my eyes. It will always remain the absolute best day of our lives.

I remember Brandon overflowing with pride as he ran from my recovery room back to the NICU to video the babies.

I remember the being wheeled into the NICU to see Bennett and Ellie for the first time. They looked so different to me and they were so unbelievably tiny.

I remember Ellie’s black hair and Bennett’s HUGE feet!

In a matter of hours we had gone from a family of two to a family of four and we couldn’t have been filled with any more joy.

It’s amazing how three years can change your life so dramatically. Never in a million years could we have imagined the mountains we would have to climb. The memories we would make…good and bad. The heartache that awaited us and the blessings that were yet to come.

Our last three years of life have been full. Full of laughs, celebrations, hope, love, a little fear and a lot of tears, but above all of that the last three years have been full of faith.

This day is always a balance of happiness, gratefulness and sadness as we grieve Bennett’s absence. What would he look like? What would I have dressed him in? Would he have woken up ornery like Ellie did this morning? What donut would he have picked out for his birthday breakfast?

But, for the first time today on their third birthday I didn’t wake up mourning. I woke up singing to my baby girl. The thought of sadness was outweighed by the atmosphere of celebration I created for her. She is here and she is ours and she is amazing!

Ellie woke up bright and early and a little on the wrong side of the bed! She walked into the kitchen and ate a kolache and a pink frosted donut for breakfast. We snuggled on the couch and then it was time to get ready for her big day. I have had an outfit picked out for months and it looked even more precious on her than I could have imagined! Mimi picked Ellie up and they were off to Ellie’s big 3 year old check up and then to run errands together.

Words will never be able to explain what our two babies have done for our lives. My heart is so full of love and pride for my two perfect miracles!

We will celebrate tonight with Ellie’s favorites…Mac-n-Cheese, tomatoes and cake! A birthday dinner fit for a three year old princess!

It makes my heart a little less heavy to know that Bennett will be celebrating as well and I am sure he will be eating the best chocolate cake ever!

Happy third birthday to our precious angels! You both mean the world to Daddy and me and our lives wouldn’t be full without you!

Catching snowflakes on her tongue!

In her birthday outfit for her gymnastics party.

Sending a birthday balloon to Bubba at her party!

Visiting Bubba with balloons and flowers.

Happy Birthday precious Ellie!!!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Quick update laptop is broken which is why there have been no updates!

Here is a quick rundown:

*Thanksgiving was chaos, but B did a fantastic job of making it perfect...even if we were frying our frozen turkey at 8pm that night. Thank goodness Mimi had a big turkey for us to roast! We have a million blessings to be Thankful for this year!

*My mother in law has sacarificed her freedom to come and take care of Ellie and me during this horribly difficult time. We are so grateful for her and truly couldn't do this without her!!!

*Doctor appt on Monday was great. We got to see this VERY big baby moving all around and he/she (I think the latter)is measuring 5 days ahead of schedule.

*Still on house rest (couch rest really). No change in the SCH - it didn't look any bigger or smaller. No walking, standing, pressure or strain on the old uterus should allow it to reabsorb the bleed more quickly...please pray!

*I am treating myself to a haircut on Saturday b/c I figure I am only going to be sitting in a chair and it is only a 2 hour break away from home.

*Sunday is Brandon's 32nd birthday!!!

*Next Friday is our NT scan. I am nervous about this and I didn't do it with the twins, but I figure it is a free ultrasound and who passes those up???

*Ellie and Bennett's 3rd birthday is on December 14th! I can't believe it has really been 3 years...unimaginable. We are having a party on the 12th of December and that will be my fieldtrip for the week!

*On December 15th I will be having surgery to stitch my cervix closed(fun times!). The cerclage is supposdly 85-90% effective, but it isn't without some risks. I am very nervous about this and would appreciate any and all prayers you can lift up for us on that day.

If Dell can deliver my computer cord in a timely manner I promise to update with more detail soon...oh, and change my header to Christmas! For now we will stick with a "Thanks Christmas" theme here on our blog!!!