Bennett David Kahl

Bennett David Kahl
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers Ephesians 1:16

Friday, December 16, 2011

A birthday letter to my princess on her 5th birthday

(this was supposed to post…oh, FIVE months ago, but better late than never!)


Dear Ellie Grace,

WOW!!  My little 2 pound princess is FIVE years old…I absolutely can not believe it!


Ellie, you are every single thing that is beautiful and wonderful about life! 

You are the answer to my prayers.

You are true beauty.

You are smart, funny and so compassionate.

You are absolute perfection to me.


I love waking up next to you every morning. 

I love that you ask me to look at your big muscles and your “big” legs every single day.  You tell me they look like they are five now!

I love that you help me cook dinner almost every night.  You love to get your stool and use a butter knife to cut veggies for me!

I love that you have so much patience with Cullen!  He NEVER leaves you alone or lets you play alone and you roll with it every single time!  You are a wonderful big sister.

I love that you cheer Cullen on when he uses the potty.  You care so much about every single person in our family.  Your level of compassion for people and animals and life should be inspiring to others.

I think that it is adorable that you care so much about what you look like before you leave the house!  You told daddy not long ago that you wouldn’t wear a certain outfit because it just didn’t match!  Hilarious…but, I can say you definitely get that from me!

You are boarder line OCD about brushing your teeth!  You ask us ALL.THE.TIME if what you are eating has sugar and if it does you simply won’t touch it!  If you do eat it we have to be at home and you run to brush your teeth immediately.  I hate to admit this, but I lie to you sometimes just so you can enjoy a sugar treat every now and then! 

We decided to clean out some of your old toys and give them to kiddos that were in need and you came downstairs with an entire bag full of baby dolls.  You refused to get rid of one stuffed animal, but you could care less about the baby dolls!  Dr. Doolittle in the future maybe??

You are in the 75% percentile for height and weight!  42 inches tall and 43 pounds!

Your favorite color changes daily, but your favorite food is pizza and macaroni and cheese

At 5 years old you told mommy you wanted to be a “chef girl” when you grow up! 

You love family movie night and sharing popcorn!

You still say: kangarooF, nacteria (bacteria), perpume and a few other words that make us laugh!  I don’t have the heart to correct you b/c I think it is so cute!

You LOVE homeschool!  When people ask you if you are in kindergarten you say “YES and I go to homeschool”

You played soccer on a co-ed team this season and HATED it!  You told daddy that you would only play on a girl team from now on! 

I am so madly in love with you…my little miracle girl!  You bring me joy on a daily basis and I am forever grateful to God for blessing us with you.  The last five years have been filled with so much joy because of you. 

I love you with all of my heart forever and ever!

Love, Mommy

























Thursday, December 15, 2011

Happy 5th birthday to our little miracles

I honestly can not believe this day is here already. 

FIVE years ago (yesterday) I gave birth to two of the most amazing miracles ever created. 

I did not prepare myself well enough for this day to come…or maybe, the truth is, no mom really can.  Five is a huge milestone and to me it’s been one that arrived too soon!

December 14th is always a struggle for me.  I am so thrilled to see Ellie grow and each year her excitement for her birthday grows.  But, on the inside I grieve for Bennett.  I always wonder more on this day than any other…what would he look like, would he be as rambunctious as Cullen or as sweet and calm as he was as a baby.  What would his favorite color be and what food would he request on his special day. 

I know all of those things about Ellie.  I knew what color outfit she would love.  I knew where she would want to go for dinner.  I knew the smile that would creep up on her face when she saw the birthday donuts that Freddy the Elf brought her. 

Half of my heart is full on this day and the other half is full of wonder. 

As soon as my feet touched the ground we were busy.  Busy prepping the birthday girls breakfast and wrapping a gift (nothing like last minute).  Tears found their way to my eyes for the brief minute that I sat alone in the kitchen.  Only one plate…when there should be two.  Only one chocolate milk and one chair for one birthday girl…when there should be two.  I doubt this day will ever be an easy one for us.


After a morning of celebrating for our little girl that is so full of life we were off to celebrate the little boy that lived such a short life. 

Balloons, flowers and a grave site are what came next.  Every parents nightmare. 


Now that we moved clear across the city we are over an hour away from the cemetery.  I HATE this about where we live.  I have actually asked Brandon to look into having Bennett moved closer to us because I have always (and I fear always will) feel close to him when we are at the cemetery.  I know people always say, “that’s just his body…his spirit is in Heaven” and I totally get that!  But, I know that when I am at the cemetery I am only a few feet away from the little boy’s body I carried for seven months, held as often as I could in my arms for six months and that I love more than life itself. 

Daddy did a great job with the flowers and my heart felt a little better when we raced out of there on our way to Texas Children’s for the kiddos CF clinic.

CF clinic is not exactly what Ellie had in mind when she pictured her perfect birthday.  And the throat swab to get a sputum sample was definitely NOT what she signed up for!  She hates that part of clinic and I am so proud that we didn’t have to call in reinforcements to hold her down in order to collect the sample.  A little bribery worked like a charm!  Clinic was pretty normal minus the alarming news that Cullen cultured pseudomonas AGAIN. 


A number of short, un-lady like words flew through my brain when we got that news. 

I love TOBI for the wonderful drug that it is, but I D.R.E.A.D administering it to Cullen twice a day for the next 28 days.  I fear we will be making TOBI a regular part of our neb treatment for poor Cullen which is a total bummer. 

We were done with clinic at 4 and off to eat an early dinner with Mimi.  The birthday girl chose mexican food, so Pappasito’s was the destination!  It was the best ending to a milestone day in our baby girls world.