Bennett David Kahl

Bennett David Kahl
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers Ephesians 1:16

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The half-year mark

Cullen Spencer Kahl is SIX months old!  Well, in fairness he has been six months old for almost three weeks, but his half-year mark fell during the weekend we were out of town, so I am just getting around to the post!  The good news is he is still six months old, so I am not THAT behind! 

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~You have been rolling over (both ways) for the last two months, but you have finally mastered the art of sitting up!  You are what we like to call “husky” so sitting was a bit of a challenge!

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~You got your 2 bottom teeth on the same day the week before you turned 6 months old!  You are now working on your bottom “i” teeth and the top teeth!  If you don’t quit biting mommy you will be a bottle drinker soon!

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~You weigh 19.6 pounds (I made Daddy stand on the scale with you last night)

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~ You are wearing size 3 diapers which should accommodate a baby up to 28 lbs, but I don’t think you’ll make it that long in them

~ You are wearing size 6-12 month clothes in Gap and Gymboree although some outfits are still a little big.

~ You wear size 6-12 month PJ's and mommy loves Gap and Gymboree footed PJ's

~ We just moved up to size 6-12 month socks b/c the 0-6 were cutting off circulation in your calves!  Oh, how I will miss those cute Trumpet socks. :(

~ You are still nursing and I don’t see you weaning anytime soon!  You eat 3 solid meals a day.  Breakfast is a fruit with apple rice cereal and breast milk mixed in.  Lunch is a fresh fruit and veggie and dinner is a veggie with rice cereal and breast milk mixed in.  I make all of your food fresh and it’s all organic.  I L.O.V.E the baby cook  by BEABA!!!  You have tried:

avocado, banana, sweet potato, butternut squash, apple, pears, prunes, peas, carrots and rice cereal.

~You pretty much love all foods 

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~ You just started noticing Bo the boxer.  I hope you love animals as much as your sister does someday.

~ You enjoy your jumperoo, but your new love is playing with racecars on the floor (sitting up)!  You LOVE the racecars you got for Christmas and as long as you have those you are a happy man.

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~ You are oh so close to crawling which is amazing to me!  You tuck your knees up and army crawl all over the place.  I am so paranoid all the time about what is on the floor b/c you pick everything up!  Ellie never did this.  Also, you are so curious.  You crawled to the bathroom cabinets this morning and started trying to open them.  Looks like we will be baby proofing SOON!

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~ You love looking at books and chewing on the corners of them!!!

~ You love listening to music, BUT when we sing to you and make up songs you are in heaven.  You laugh and smile the whole time.

~ You do not like having your clothes changed at all.  You are a squirmy worm on the changing table and I think you just hate having things put over your head.

~ You are on the most “scheduled” schedule ever! (I’m knocking on wood right now) I can pretty much count on you waking, eating, playing, nursing and napping at the same time every day:

wake: 8am

eat: 9am

nap: 11-1:30

eat: 2:30

nap: 3:30-5:30

eat: 6:45

bath: 7ish

sleep by 8pm

CRAZY!!!  Ellie was never on a schedule…EVER.  I think it is harder to have a scheduled child, but I do love the alone time with Ellie during the day.  I don’t take any credit for the schedule, but I do think it helps that we have someone that watches you during the day, so that I don’t have to bring you out.  Being at home most of the time has helped you form this habit.

~You still won’t really take a bottle for Blakely.  There are some days that I come home and notice you might have had 2 ounces.

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~I started giving you a sippy cup with your meals and you love to use it.  You look so proud when you get it to your mouth…and chew on the spout!  I put about an ounce of prune juice mixed with water in the cup b/c you have horrible bowel issues.  You always smile really big when you realize I put the juice in the cup!

~ You love to be in the bath.  You love to be in the bath even more with sister!  You ADORE her!

~Your smile can light up a room and your laugh is contagious!

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~ You say, “Dadada” all the time!  You also know the “n and b” sounds and are working on the “m” sound. 

~You instantly smile when I say, “Where’s Daddy?”  He is your pal!

~You also love it when I say, “How big is Cullen?”  You smile and are getting ready to put your arms up.  You are such a smarty pants!

~You are about to get another haircut.  Daddy gave you a trim on your 5 month birthday, but now you really need a cut.  You have so much hair on top that it looks hilarious after we blow it dry!


You have changed so much in the last 2 months.  You went from a little baby to a little boy.  I think I kiss you over a hundred times a day because I am so totally in love with you.  You will never know how much I love you, but I will spend the rest of our lives telling you! 

I love you always and forever,


did you know…

The holidays are always hard.  Yes, we have two beautiful miracle children, but did you know we held Bennett for the first time on Christmas Day four years ago.


Visiting our church is hard.  We love our church.  It is a tie that binds us to our past.  However, every single time I enter the doors I see that tiny white casket in the front row.

Visiting your child in a cemetery is hard.  Well, that is just a given.  It never gets “normal” to plan on visiting the cemetery.  To pick flowers up at the florist and to give the answer, “they are for our son’s grave” when asked what you will be doing with such beautiful flowers.  It never feels okay to leave my baby boy there.

Hearing this song in church brought tears to my eyes.  Holding Cullen during Christmas Eve service and looking over at Brandon and Ellie, I felt like my heart might burst.  Full of pride for my miracles, gratefulness for their lives, and sadness for the little boy that was missing from our family.

These lyrics paralyzed me because they felt like they were written for my life.

Did you know

That this baby boy has come to make you new

That this child that you delivered

Will soon deliver you


Did you know

That your baby boy has walked where angels trod?

and when you kiss your little baby

You’ve kissed the face of God


Did you know

That your baby boy is Heaven’s perfect lamb.

This sleeping child you’re holding

is the Great I am.


My children are my heart and soul.  I have said it before…they are the life in my breath.  Through our years of infertility I was lost and incomplete.  My life, along with its blessings and tragedies is what it is today because of my babies.

I am sure people in church that caught a glimpse of this crazy mom crying while she rocked her little boy thought I had lost my mind!  The truth is I could relate to that song.  To that miracle child.  I could relate to that feeling of being
“delivered” by just holding that tiny life in my arms.  I know what it feels like to look in my child’s eyes and see the eyes of God because I did it every single time I looked at Bennett.  Those eyes were so innocent, kind and pure. 

This song moved me. 

And as we prepared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, I was reminded of the miraculous births of my three angels.

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As moved as I was…and as many times as we told Ellie that the true reason we celebrate is because it is Jesus’ birthday…Christmas Eve was still filled with excitement and anticipation as we prepared for SANTA.

With the family all dressed up and the kiddos in matching smocked outfits, we headed out the door and off to church.  Cullen hasn’t been to church yet because it is just too risky for him to be exposed to that many germs during this time of year.  Christmas Eve was the exception we were willing to make.  We met our good friends there and 8 seats in the front row later we were all settled in for the service.  The girls were very good and B only had to separate Ellie once by force!  The service was amazing and before we knew it we were lighting candles and it was over.  As we were exiting we noticed all of the umbrellas…and wet people…and then I looked outside and it looked like a full blown monsoon had blown in!  YIKES!  There we were with two kiddos that are high risk for infection in a super crowded foyer of the church with NO UMBRELLA!  Cullen was screaming in his carrier and Ellie was running around like she had no manners at all!  B went to get the car and my friends hubby offered to carry Ellie out in the pouring rain while I carried Cullen in his seat.  We spotted B pulling up to the front and we took off running (me in 4 inch heels!).  B didn’t see us and kept driving!!!  So, in pouring rain and lightening we were chasing my husband through the church parking lot with two babies!  Merry Christmas!  We finally caught him and got the babies dried of and I caught my breath!  B helped them get their kiddos in the car and then we were off.  Cullen was NOT happy and we were all soaked.  So, our plans of a nice family dinner were scrapped and we hit the local fried chicken joint for a to-go meal instead!  We laughed all the way home with our last minute meal, but it actually worked out in the end. 


After warming up and getting our jammies on, we baked and decorated cookies for SANTA, put out food for the reindeer and then it was off to bed.

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The elves worked late into the late, but the look on Ellie’s face in the morning was worth every single minute of work!  Unfortunately, our little princess was feeling under the weather.  Not even the Bar.bie jeep she had begging Santa for was worth getting overly excited about.  After presents she asked if she could lay on the couch and watch a movie!  WHAT???  With all of those new gifts to play with I thought she would be running a million miles a minute through the house.  Not the case.  After administering some meds we cleaned up and headed out to Mimi and Grampy’s house to celebrate.  We decided to keep the visit short just because our little girl needed to get home.  So, three hours after we left we were back at home to relax!  B set up Ellie’s new tent in front of the fire place and we all got warm and cozy and watched movies.

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        2010                                  2009

Our holiday was as amazing as it could possibly be.  Every single time I held Cullen I thanked God for bringing him into this world safely.  Last year, I was praying that this year I would have a healthy baby to hold and healthy he IS!  Ellie was an absolute joy to watch this year, too.  Her innocence makes you appreciate the season even more than you typically would. 

Brandon and I are so blessed by the wonders of His love!

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I hope all of you had a fantastic holiday with family and friends!!




Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Now that you are F.O.U.R

My dearest Ellie Grace,

Today, you are 4 years old!  You have changed and grown the most this past year compared to previous years.  You have truly become a big girl now…although, I want you to know you will ALWAYS be my baby girl.

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I feel  like this year passed the fastest, too.  I am pretty sure that is because I spent 6 months of it on bed rest, but in all fairness you spent it in bed with me!!!

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Here are some highlights of your third year of life:

*You are a talker!!!  You will have a conversation with anyone and everyone.  You say funny things like: “This is my most hilarious outfit, mommy” and “That was fantastic!”  When you try to convince us to get you something (usually a sugar treat) you say, “I was thinking I was going to have ____” and it always makes me laugh!  You have great manners and almost always remember to use them.  My heart melts when you say, “I love you in my heart, mommy.”  I know I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to get you to understand JUST how much I love you.

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*You started gymnastics, ballet, swim lessons and soccer this year.  You are now in gym twice a week and right now you are preparing for your Christmas ballet show.  I am starting to think you might like dance just as much at gym.  Soccer is last on your list for sure, but daddy and I think it is a great aerobic workout for those CF lungs of yours!

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*Speaking of CF…you participated in your first drug trial this year.  You were a model patient, so I see other trials in your future.  You seem to have been on more antibiotics this year when compared to years past.  A bout with RSV was the biggest hit.

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*You love to play dress up!  We went to see Disney on Ice with your BF Emma.  I am pretty sure you would have sat still if that show would have been 5 hours long!!!

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* We started home school and you LOVE it!  We have a fantastic routine and I am so impressed at how much you have learned.  Not because I doubted your ability to learn, but I was super nervous about my ability to still teach!

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*You still love to play with Little People and your independent play is SO creative.  You have started to play with Barbie's.  You still love to play with babies every now and then. 

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*I think you are most compassionate about animals.  We have so many stuffed dogs, cats, monkeys, etc that your room is probably a fire hazard!  You truly love animals.  Real ones and stuffed ones!!!  All of your animals have names and most of them have families.  In your world every “thing” has a mommy and a daddy.  I think you might be a veterinarian some day…

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*I’m pretty sure you have been in time out less this year than in years past.  You are VERY well behaved.  Some people (Mimi) might think we are tough on you, but the simple truth is we have high expectations for you and we know what you are capable of.  I would say for your age you are one of the most well behaved little girls I know.  (biased…yes!, but believe me you can have an attitude when you want to have one!)

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*You still sleep with mommy and daddy which is just fine with us!  I asked you the other night if you thought you might be ready to sleep in your big girl bed and you said, “No mommy, I just want to snuggle you right here.”  So, there you go!

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*You learned to ride your big girl bike with training wheels this year!  It scared me to death to watch you on that big bike the first time, but you are a master on it now!

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*Eating has been a rollercoaster this year.  Some days you eat every meal and you eat a lot.  Other times it is an uphill battle to get you to eat anything.  You favorite things are: PBJ, macaroni and cheese, mexican beans and rice, cheese, spaghetti with meatballs, any kind of soup, hot dogs, sausage, ham and swiss cheese, croutons with ranch dressing, pizza (especially when you make it), and you LOVE fruit.  You don’t really like a lot of sweets and will only lick frosting off of cake, cupcakes and cookies.  However, you could probably eat your weight in m.&.m’s!

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*You are SO tall now.  I can’t wait to get to your 4 year check up to see how much you have grown.  You fit in 4T, but you are so tall that I buy some 5t clothes just so they are long enough.  You L.O.V.E shoes!  You almost have more shoes than me, but you look precious in all of them so how can I resist!

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*We usually have to get your hair cut every 6-8 weeks.  It is super curly and is growing so fast.  You still won’t leave the house without a bow which fine with me.

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*The best part about this year was that you became a big sister.  You adore your brother.  Both of you laugh every time you are around each other.  I think you two will be the best of friends and it makes my heart happy to see that. 

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Ellie, you spent half of this year in bed with me and I loved every minute of it.  I am sorry it had to be that way, but at least I didn’t have to miss many of your days.  You are the most precious gift I have ever received.  I know this year will probably go as quickly as the last, but I truly hope it doesn’t.  Happy birthday my little princess!!!

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     12.14.09                          12.14.10