Leaving on jet plane

What a day! I have been awake for 19 hours and 23 minutes and I am just about worn out. It was a day full of emotion and nervous energy and I am glad that I am finally ready to make it my yesterday.

I woke up at 2:09 this morning…not with a sick baby or a dog begging to be let out, but because my mind was racing a mile a minute. I worry about ridiculous stuff like: if I remembered to take all of the right meds, what is on my schedule to be completed for work, what am I going to get at the grocery store for my family to eat while I am on restricted activity for the next few days, why don’t I have any family pictures from Bennett’s funeral (what?), what do I want to make for dinner, orders that need to be placed for business supplies, and the list goes on. At 4:00am (after I had been listening to B’s alarm go off for nearly an hour) I decided it was time to rise and shine. Lying in bed to daydream for 2 hours was totally unacceptable ~ clearly it was time to start the day. So, that is exactly what I did. At 4am I was in the office buying merchandise, sending emails and completing orders. Fun times! I actually got a lot accomplished before Ellie woke up at 8:30 which made me feel good. Little did I realize how far I had to go!

After making breakfast and eating with Ellie it was back to the office for mommy. Every minute that ticked by on the clock felt like hours. I was fully aware of what time it was and I was just waiting for 10am to come. My nurse gave me the green light to call them after 10am if I hadn’t heard from them. So, at 10:04 (ample grace time) I made the call. I could tell that they were rushed, but I was dying to find out how many embryos had made it through the past 2 days. She gave me my transfer time for Saturday morning, but no embryo info. I asked her if they had the reports from the embryologist and she said they hadn’t been entered yet….WHAT??? I had already waited 2 VERY LONG days and there was no telling how much longer it was going to take. She said, “I will give you a call later today when the results come my way.” Politely, I said “thank you” and then I hung up…deflated and emotionally drained.

As the day progressed I killed the time by organizing Ellie’s clothes, shoes, socks, training pants and hair bows…I mean why do the REAL work I had piled up on the desk when I could just waste time cleaning???

At noon I went back to the office to work and I waited…and waited…and waited…all the while dying for the phone to just ring with a friendly voice on the other end giving me the news.

At about 2pm I couldn’t take it any longer. I sent an email to sweet Sarah (our genetic counselor) and asked if she had heard anything from FSH. I hurriedly typed the email b/c Ellie was eating a weight watchers toffee nut ice cream stick on my cream carpet(oh, who am I kidding it is more like cookies and cream these days) and the chocolate was falling off in chunks! We headed to the bathroom for a little intervention and the phone started ringing!!! Hallelujah! I ran from the bathroom with toilet paper in my hands and my 2 year old still standing at the sink WITH THE WATER RUNNING to gather the news.
Here it is:
Our 14th embryo did actually start to grow and displayed a normal cell structure. So, out of our 14 embryos they biopsied 11 to fly to Michigan! 11…11…11…I am so in love with that number! I have been running stats in my head (and on a calculator) and I was pretty convinced we would be closer to 8…so, I was thrilled when she said 11. Then I went psycho on her and asked a million specific questions. They grade embryos based on days past retrieval. Every day they check them they expect for there to be a certain amount of cells and the look for fragmentation. On day 3 they expect to see between 6-8 cells (although some sites will tell you 7-10). I won’t bore you (even though I find it fascinating) with the little details, but you can go here to check out all of the specifics. Anyway, I wanted to know what “grade” they had given each of our embryos. We have 4 embryos at the 6 cell stage, 5 embryos at the 7 cell stage and 2 at the 8 cell stage. An 8 cell day three embryo is like the cream of the crop! However, I am very proud of all of our little embryos! One cell from each of our microscopic little embryos was being biopsied and prepared for transfer…on a jet plane…all the way to our dream team in Michigan. They will arrive tomorrow and my sweet friend Sarah has been given strict instructions to give all 11 of them a very stern talking to! CF is not an option for them, so they better get their DNA together before the genetic testing begins! I have full faith that she will instill “the fear” in them for me.

All kidding aside…we feel truly blessed. I have literally been holding my breath for days…every time the phone rings my heart stops. I pray nonstop that I have the strength to accept the path God has chosen for me. I am excited, scared, hopeful and nervous just to name a few adjectives. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to come this far; to be able to try our IVF again with PGD, to hire the best doctors and geneticists. I know that I have done everything I can humanly do to try for another biological child and the rest is up to God. I feel good right now (maybe delirium has set in) but, I know tomorrow will bring with it new hurdles. Oh, and if you were wondering how my bathroom faired with the toddler and the running faucet…let me just say it rivaled the scene at a splash pad in the middle of the summer…with 50 kids playing. Fun times!

Prayers for Saturday PLEASE. Prayers that we have one or two embryos without CF. Prayers for our doctors as they guide us in making some potentially difficult decisions. Prayers for patience and peace for B and myself. You have all been wonderful to us through this wonderful ride and we are almost there…thank you.

A funny little story about my little angel girl before I go. I am teaching Ellie the Days of the Week. We are doing a good job of detailing what we will do on a given day…for example, I tell Ellie, “On Friday we are going to the grocery store. That is tomorrow”. So, last night we were singing our Days of the Week song and I was snapping my fingers. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Okay, let’s sing…here we go
E: Mommy what’s wrong with my fingers?
Me: Well, I don’t know let me see
E: See…they aren’t working! (as she tried to snap here pointer finger and her middle finger on both hands)
Me: Sweetie it just takes practice.
E: No, they are just broken.
Me: No, they are not broken (I shaped her finger to teach her how to snap) you just have to keep working hard at it.
E: Well, how about you snap and I’ll just clap!

I started laughing hysterically!!! I couldn’t decide if she was lazy or a genius! I mean she improvised with her own way of being actively involved and creating music, but she was sure NOT going to try and learn to snap! There is something every.single.day that she does that makes me laugh so hard I have tears…what a blessing!

Blessings,
Angie