Deja Vu

Today was fantastic!

It was also devastating.

So, here is the skinny on our sticky bun. This baby is amazing! Beautiful (even if it is a little fuzzy and in black and white), big, over achieving, active and it is OURS! Our precious little miracle measured 8 weeks 3 days today (I am 8w1d) and had a very strong heartbeat of 180 bpm. We were also so blessed that we got to see this beauty moving today! Two arms, two legs, a strong beating heart and a forming brain (we go to see the head and what will become the cognitive part of the brain). I am so in love…which is why I am so scared to death of losing him/her.

Why am I so afraid? Well, because today during our ultrasound Dr. D pointed out that I have a subchorionic hematoma (AGAIN). This is the exact clot I had with the twins and the reason I hemorrhaged at 11 weeks and potentially the reason my membranes ruptured at 26 weeks. Here is some info that may answer your questions:

What is a subchorionic hematoma (SCH)? It is a gathering of blood that forms between the membranes of the placenta and the wall of the uterus. They occur in 1.3% of all pregnancies (we are so very lucky!)
Have I started bleeding yet? No, not yet. However, we are expecting it in the next few days and coming weeks.
Will the bleeding/clot hurt the baby? No…not directly. A SCH is basically a placental abruption. So, the smaller the clot the less of a chance you will abrupt a significant portion of the placenta and the better chance you have of reabsorbing to occur. Mine is about .8 mm right now. I can’t remember exactly, but I think mine was 4 cm last time.
What can we do to help it? NOTHING!!! I am totally helpless and this is all in the hands of God (as usual). Most small bleeds will resolve themselves around 20 weeks of pregnancy.

What do we do now? I was released today from my RE, so I got on the phone asap and called my OB. After I told my nurse I had another SCH her words were, “Oh, no!” Just what I wanted to hear!!! She told me she was going to talk to the doctor and call me right back…and she did about 10 minutes later. Her instructions were crystal clear: Get off of your feet, stay hydrated, and stop taking Aspirin. I have been on blood thinners and Aspirin from the beginning of the IVF process b/c I have a clotting disorder (shocker), but now that I am threatening to hemorrhage they want my platelets to get less “lubed” and a little more “sticky.”

So, here I am on the couch. My husband and my baby girl need a lot of prayers because I truly believe this is going to be hardest on them. I was almost eaten by Manny the Man eating Moth, but Brandon saved me from that disaster and now he is off to Subway! What a guy!!! While he was gone Ellie told me to take her hand because she had something special to show me (she wanted me to play Little People with her), but I told her that Mommy and the baby are sick, so she will have to bring her goodies to me on the couch. This is going to be a huge adjustment!

How am I doing? I am so angry at my body right now. I have a perfect, healthy baby inside and my body is failing me once again. I feel so bad having to rely on my unbelievable mother in law, husband and friends because I am so hard headed and I like to think I can do anything on my own. I am anxious…about so many things. I am anxious about when/if I hemorrhage, about making it to my next ultrasound and about how all of this will all end. This is all so much to take in especially after thinking this 1% occurrence would never happen to us again. This is probably one of the worst case scenarios I could be in at this point. We need major prayers and we might need a little help now and then too. I still have faith that this will all turn out great. I made it through the bleeding last time, so I am pumping myself up to do it again. I just hate to put Ellie through the emotional rollercoaster that this is going to be and to add even more responsibility to B’s plate. Pressure upon pressure…

My next doctor visit is on November 30th, so until then I am going to enjoy my family and the Thanksgiving holiday and grow a very healthy baby!

Blessings,
Angie

Sticky bun Update

Yesterday, was our 6 week check up and "confirmation of viability" appoitment and it went great!

My doctor started with this question: How are you feeling?
Me: pregnant, tired, nauseous
Dr: Good! Those are all good signs.
Me: Really? I wasn't sick a day in my entire twin pregnancy and now I find it nearly impossible to get off of the couch or think about making an actual meal. (Unless of course pizza rolls and a can of corn counts...)
Dr: Well, you know they say it gets harder as we get older

There we go again with the older comments!!! They told me not to wait to do another round of IVF after the twins because I would be older and I would not produce as many eggs...FALSE! I produced 6 more eggs this time!

They told me that the quality of my eggs wouldn't be as good this time around b/c I am (gasp) THREE WHOLE years older...FALSE! The quality of our embryos blew our first IVF round out of the water...it was unfortunate that all of our excellent embryos were affected with CF.

I fear, however, that they may be right this time! I am T-I-R-E-D and I mean very tired. That is not a complaint b/c I am so super grateful to be pregnant, but I have never been this tired in my entire life!

Oh, and the nausea. I am a bit of a drama queen...I'll just go ahead and admit that. However, I am not exaggerating at all when I say there are a handful of things that sound good to me to eat. You would think I would be losing weight with the little amount of food I can actually eat. That is NOT the case though!

Our little sticky bun is still measuring one day ahead at 6w2d (I was 6w1d at the appointment), but the very best part of the whole appointment was hearing the beautiful sound of our baby's heart beating. Oh...it takes my breath away to think that there is a perfect little miracle growing inside of my belly right now! He/she grew from .210cm to .517 in just 3 1/2 days and the heart rate was 117-119 beats per minute!

Being the anal one that I am...as soon as I got home I checked the twin’s stats from that point in pregnancy. At 6w2d we had heart rates of 88 and 100. At 7w2d we had 109 and 117 (117 was Ellie) and then they were both 164 at our 8 week appt.

So, this baby has a stronger heart beat than either of the twins did at this stage! Every little step we take I feel more at peace.

B and I talked about what our "gut instincts" are about the gender and we both agree at this point. Yesterday, Ellie wanted a "little broder" and even went so far as to call it a "him" and "he" when referencing the baby in conversation. Only time will tell!

My next appointment is on November 17th and I will be 8 weeks 1 day. I can't wait to see our little miracle again!

Blessings,
Angie

Clown-ing Around!

I'll just hold the shovel...

OKAY...I'll dig in!!!

Squeezing out the seeds

Eeewwwww!

Clowning Around!

Cutest clown I've ever seen!

Mommy's little angel...

and Daddy's little angel!

Dorothy and The Clown

And They're off!!!


Halloween was a real treat this year! (pun intended)

It started with Ellie and Daddy carving two of our pumpkins. It was so funny to watch Ellie and imagine what was going through her head when her Daddy told her to stick her hands in the pumpkin and pull out the seeds…she wasn’t digging it! However, once she tried it she proved to be a real pumpkin digging natural! B got his “top chef” on and decided to divide our seeds up and dehydrate them in the oven and then flavor them with three different flavors. They were delicious! It was a great teachable moment for Ellie, too. She understood that the seeds we were eating came from the work we had done earlier with the pumpkins.

Ellie and her very best friend in the world “Adds” got to walk the neighborhood together as Dorothy and Clown and get candy…couldn’t get much better in the eyes of a toddler! They strolled down the side walk sometimes hand-in-hand and knocked on every door and both said, “Trick-or-Treat” and then “Thank you” and “Happy Halloween.” It was absolutely precious!

It was a very chilly night here, so B started our fire pit in the driveway (don’t judge!...almost all of our part of the neighborhood sits outside in their driveway on Halloween and there were several families that had their fires going!)

We had our mini trampoline in the yard for Adds and Ellie and they had a blast! We got hog dogs and smores to roast over the fire …both of which Ellie thinks were sent straight from Heaven just for her! At about 9:30 both girls had hit their breaking point and I was totally exhausted. I mean barely able to walk into the house and get undressed kind of exhausted! I brought Ellie in and washed off her cute little clown face in the bath and the minute I hit the sheets I was out!

I had a blast with Ellie this Halloween. She has so much love and excitement for life and all that it brings. Each day she makes new connections and it is truly a blessing to watch her grow. I am so in love with my little angel!

Blessings,
Angie

Long overdue pictures!!!