Deja Vu

Today was fantastic!

It was also devastating.

So, here is the skinny on our sticky bun. This baby is amazing! Beautiful (even if it is a little fuzzy and in black and white), big, over achieving, active and it is OURS! Our precious little miracle measured 8 weeks 3 days today (I am 8w1d) and had a very strong heartbeat of 180 bpm. We were also so blessed that we got to see this beauty moving today! Two arms, two legs, a strong beating heart and a forming brain (we go to see the head and what will become the cognitive part of the brain). I am so in love…which is why I am so scared to death of losing him/her.

Why am I so afraid? Well, because today during our ultrasound Dr. D pointed out that I have a subchorionic hematoma (AGAIN). This is the exact clot I had with the twins and the reason I hemorrhaged at 11 weeks and potentially the reason my membranes ruptured at 26 weeks. Here is some info that may answer your questions:

What is a subchorionic hematoma (SCH)? It is a gathering of blood that forms between the membranes of the placenta and the wall of the uterus. They occur in 1.3% of all pregnancies (we are so very lucky!)
Have I started bleeding yet? No, not yet. However, we are expecting it in the next few days and coming weeks.
Will the bleeding/clot hurt the baby? No…not directly. A SCH is basically a placental abruption. So, the smaller the clot the less of a chance you will abrupt a significant portion of the placenta and the better chance you have of reabsorbing to occur. Mine is about .8 mm right now. I can’t remember exactly, but I think mine was 4 cm last time.
What can we do to help it? NOTHING!!! I am totally helpless and this is all in the hands of God (as usual). Most small bleeds will resolve themselves around 20 weeks of pregnancy.

What do we do now? I was released today from my RE, so I got on the phone asap and called my OB. After I told my nurse I had another SCH her words were, “Oh, no!” Just what I wanted to hear!!! She told me she was going to talk to the doctor and call me right back…and she did about 10 minutes later. Her instructions were crystal clear: Get off of your feet, stay hydrated, and stop taking Aspirin. I have been on blood thinners and Aspirin from the beginning of the IVF process b/c I have a clotting disorder (shocker), but now that I am threatening to hemorrhage they want my platelets to get less “lubed” and a little more “sticky.”

So, here I am on the couch. My husband and my baby girl need a lot of prayers because I truly believe this is going to be hardest on them. I was almost eaten by Manny the Man eating Moth, but Brandon saved me from that disaster and now he is off to Subway! What a guy!!! While he was gone Ellie told me to take her hand because she had something special to show me (she wanted me to play Little People with her), but I told her that Mommy and the baby are sick, so she will have to bring her goodies to me on the couch. This is going to be a huge adjustment!

How am I doing? I am so angry at my body right now. I have a perfect, healthy baby inside and my body is failing me once again. I feel so bad having to rely on my unbelievable mother in law, husband and friends because I am so hard headed and I like to think I can do anything on my own. I am anxious…about so many things. I am anxious about when/if I hemorrhage, about making it to my next ultrasound and about how all of this will all end. This is all so much to take in especially after thinking this 1% occurrence would never happen to us again. This is probably one of the worst case scenarios I could be in at this point. We need major prayers and we might need a little help now and then too. I still have faith that this will all turn out great. I made it through the bleeding last time, so I am pumping myself up to do it again. I just hate to put Ellie through the emotional rollercoaster that this is going to be and to add even more responsibility to B’s plate. Pressure upon pressure…

My next doctor visit is on November 30th, so until then I am going to enjoy my family and the Thanksgiving holiday and grow a very healthy baby!

Blessings,
Angie