A letter to my little girl

Dear Ellie Grace,

In a matter of hours, our lives are going to change forever.  This new life will be the only one you will remember.  A life with mommy, daddy and Cullen.  Before that happens I wanted to write about what the last three and a half years have meant to me with JUST you.

First, let me say you have forever changed my life and shown me what the meaning of true love is.  You have given me more than I will ever be capable of sharing with you.  You are the answer to many prayers and I will love you always and forever with all of my heart…my little best friend!

 

The night I met daddy I knew he was “the one.”  Nine months later he asked me to marry him and a year and a half later (after we graduated from college!!!) we were married.  We knew we wanted a family and we started trying three months later.  We never expected the journey life would take us on over the next three and a half years.

 

With a million tears and hours of prayer, we found out we were pregnant with you and Bennett in June 2006. 

We found out early that Bennett was a boy, but “baby B” was our mystery baby until I was 20 weeks pregnant.  I remember days of being alone and praying that God would please have chosen one of my babies to be a girl.  I desperately wanted to have that bond that only a mother and daughter feel.  I wanted to play dress up, teach you how to wear make-up, watch you dance, get married and have babies. 

The day we went in for the BIG ultrasound I was called back to the room alone.  Mimi and daddy waited out in the waiting room.  The nurse started and asked me if I wanted to know your gender or if I wanted to wait for daddy…I HAD  to know, so I didn’t wait! 

The moment the words, “It’s a GIRL” came out of her mouth tears spilled uncontrollably out of my eyes.  My dreams had come true.  First, we were going to have a family…and to know that we would have the best of both worlds was just beyond imaginable.  I was in love!

 

A few short weeks later you were born.  Tiny and helpless you looked at me through the plastic of an incubator.  You had a scowl that told me you were not ready to be in the world just yet.  Your jet black hair was long and straight and your skin was delicate and pink.  You were a fighter at 2 1/2 pounds!  For days we didn’t know if you would survive and then at a week old you were breathing on your own and building strength.  Six weeks later you would come home with mommy and daddy…one of the best days of my life.  You were dressed in a tiny white smocked dress with matching bonnet and pink and white ballerina socks.  You were 4 lbs 11 oz and you were all ours ~ FINALLY! 

 

We couldn’t have visitors or take you anywhere for weeks because of your prematurity, but that didn’t stop us from soaking in every single second of you!  You were never put down.  I couldn’t even imagine not holding you in my arms every second I was at home simply because I waited my entire life to have you.  We had to spend weeks with you in the house because of your size and the time of year.  Then, after weeks at home I finally took you on your first shopping trip with Mimi on Valentines Day 2007.  It wasn’t long, but I remember the pride I felt getting you out of the car seat and putting you in the sling.  I was a mommy…a real mommy that was shopping with her little princess and I was thrilled!

Months went by with mommy and daddy traveling back and forth to visit Bubba in the hospital.  You were such a good baby girl for everyone that watched you (family only!). 

We went on with a normal life for you at home, but we lived anything but a normal life for months.  In June, our worst fears came to a reality when our Bennett was called home to be with his creator. 

I remember every detail of that day like it was yesterday and someday we will talk about it.  What I want you to know is that you were heartbroken that day.  There was a sadness and desperation in your cry that I had never heard before and I haven’t heard since.  You were dedicated next to Bennett’s bedside by Mr. Donny and Mr. Dave and it was just as beautiful as it would have been in church.  The closer we got to Bennett the louder you would scream…it gives me chills to even think about the fear in your cry that day.  A few short days later Bennett went home.  You had so much peace that day…I have never held you tighter.

 

The next three years were spent bonding as a family of three.  I have been blessed enough to stay at home with you and aside from having you that is one of the best gifts I have ever received. 

Daddy and I have enjoyed so many wonderful moments with you.  We have been on numerous trips together…the first one was to Disney World when you were 7 months old.  Each trip was a whole new experience for you and the joy for us was watching how much fun you had. 

As the months turned into years you grew into your own personality and I have loved watching that happen.  You are so compassionate, friendly, dramatic, LOVING, and maternal.  You are everything wonderful and perfect to me.

You learned to walk, talk and eat…each milestone was a miracle to watch!

You slept (and still do at 3 1/2) with mommy and daddy every night.  Daddy and I decided we couldn’t stand to miss 12 hours of your life each day just to say that you slept in your own bed, so we all cuddle up every night together!  We sing, pray and share kisses and “hugses.”  I don’t care when you decide to sleep alone…selfishly, it’s because I will miss the cuddles you give us every night.  Remember, you will never be too old to cuddle with mommy in bed!

We have always taken you out everywhere with us and you have learned to have quite the well rounded palate.  I love that you love to eat as much as I do and it is so fun to watch you try new things.

Your hair went from black and straight to light brown and so curly that mommy has a hard time getting it just right!  Your curls are beautiful I can’t believe I have a gorgeous little girl with ringlets!  You get those curls from daddy…so, you can thank him in a couple of years!!

You do gymnastics, ballet and soccer and we love watching you practice all three!  (gym is your favorite!)  You would rather pick flowers for mommy than play in your soccer games and just started loving ballet because your friend Brooke takes it with you.  I love watching you do all three, but I can’t wait for you to decide what you love the best!

You love to shop and go to the grocery store with me!  Some of the best days we have had together are running errands to Target or HEB.  You love to pick our produce at the grocery store and by the age of 2 you knew what most of the produce was!  We spend more money on fresh fruit because you love it as much as I do!  I love watching how excited you get when we buy new foods because you ALWAYS want to come right home and help mommy cook them!

You have “jobs” that you get paid to do and you tell us your are saving all of your money in your piggy bank for college! (your jobs: put dirty clothes in the laundry room, pick up your toys and put your clean clothes in your drawers)  I know you will always be my big helper and I love that you are saving your money rather than spending it…you get that from me!

 

You are amazing to me by just being you!

You are the light of my life.

You are the reason I made it through so many rough days.

You are my miracle baby.

You are the reason my faith has grown to what it is today.

You are the reason…for the BEST three and a half years of my life. 

I hope you always feel as special as you truly are to me.  My one and only little girl.  There are a million more things I could write about, but I will spend the rest of our lives telling you all about them.  I just wanted you to know that I am beyond grateful and thankful for you.  

With all of my heart forever and ever,

Mommy

On our first trip together in April 2007 to Canton, Texas

You were 3 1/2 months old