Marathon

Marathon: any long and arduous undertaking

My life has become a marathon…a long and arduous undertaking!!! (please don’t mistake my humor for ungratefulness ~ we know how truly blessed we are!)

Our marathon this past week was moving B’s mom into her new home. Moving, shopping, setting up, cleaning, shopping again, setting up more, cleaning again…all with a toddler in tow!

The week started with dinner and fun at The Aquarium with our cousins visiting from California. Ellie had a total blast hanging out with Bella!! They had a chance to share Mac-n-cheese, drink Shirley Temples (and pretend Shirley Temples), take a spin on the carousel and ride a train through the shark tunnel. It is such a blessing to watch our girls (who are only a year a part) play together…such beauties!

Tuesday started early and was just a bizarre day. Ridiculously busy and full of “full moon” type disasters! We rushed out the door to pick up Biddy in order to take her shopping for her new place. On the way, Ellie spilled an entire Sprite in her car sear. Do I carry an extra change of clothes for my toddler…NO! So, I figured with our Texas heat her pants would dry in no time and they did! By the time we got to the furniture store, Biddy had spilled her Coke on her white pants ~ good thing I carry a Tide pen! Side note: who carried a Tide pen, but not a change of clothes for their toddler? An hour later after Biddy purchased her new couch we were on our way to MD Anderson to visit Heather and Cody. I was running short on time, and of course our visiting time flew! Heather is an inspiration to me. Just when I feel like complaining about my crazy life I think about all that she goes through on a daily basis…amazing! Straight from the hospital we went to lunch with Bella, Melissa and Aunt Mary. I went to retrieve my daughter from the back seat and her dress was completely torn about 5 inches across the front….AAAHHHHH! To add insult to injury her pants were soaking wet…peepee or Sprite ~ no clue! Thank goodness we were in Rice Village and I could just pop into a boutique and pick up another outfit…we eventually made it to lunch! After our amazing lunch we were back to shopping for Biddy’s new house. IKEA, here we come! Turns out IKEA was a total bust for the style we were going for. Oh, and Biddy had to get to the pharmacy before 7pm. We had 40 minutes to get across town in rush hour traffic and believe it or not we made it! From the pharmacy we went to Target for odds and ends. Nearly 2 hours later we were checking out when suddenly all of the lights went out in the ENTIRE store! Fun times! We got to Biddy’s house 9 hours after I picked her up and that was just the beginning!!!

The rest of the week was spent running errands and helping Biddy get her house made into a home. I am pretty sure we logged about 40 hours over there in a matter of days, but it was all worth it at 9:30 pm Saturday when we left her in her beautiful new home.

The week was busy, but the thoughts and worries about DNA testing and babies were not far from my mind. We are still waiting. We got all of our tests in to the genetics clinic last week, so it should take 4-10 weeks to get the DNA polls made and then we have to reharvest embryos. The whole process makes my stomach do flips. We have a million mountains to climb in the next few months.
o Keep my body healthy to prepare for egg retrieval
o Pray for a good number of eggs to work with
o Pray that our eggs will fertilize
o After fertilization they will send one cell from each embryo on day 3 to the genetics clinic in order to determine which embryos are affected with CF. All embryos with a double mutation will not be transferred.
o On day 5 we will transfer 2 (if we have 2) remaining embryos.
Then we wait…and pray.

Our first IVF round we had several eggs, but our numbers ended up like this:
o About 20 follicles
o About 16 eggs were retrieved
o I believe 10 fertilized
o 8 made it to day 5 blastocysts
o 2 were transferred
o 5 were frozen (1 died before cryopreservation)
I was 28 at the time of egg retrieval and now I am (gasp) 31!!! My “advanced maternal age” is not ideal for sure, but we just have to put our fears into the hands of God and pray that this is all a part of His plan for us. To say we are fighting an uphill battle is an understatement. Approximately 50% of our embryos will have a double CF mutation, so if you look at the numbers above and cut them in half we don’t really have great odds.

Thoughts, fears, and various scenarios are flooding my mind right now…all of which I have NO CONTROL over.

On top of my regular life, I am trying to prepare a fall line to market and fill orders from stores and generous friends that are helping out with our “bow baby” fund. The good news is: keeping busy will help the time pass quickly!

With all of this moving forward it’s easIER to not spend so much time grieving over the past. Then all of a sudden you’re sitting in the carwash line and you hear sirens…

I had Ellie in the car on Saturday and I decided to stop for gas and a carwash. As we were waiting for our turn in the carwash (and Ellie was having a nervous breakdown in the backseat) I heard “emergency sirens” as Ellie calls them. I looked up to point out what I thought would be an ambulance. What I saw was a tearful reminder of our past. The sirens were motorcycle patrol officers stopping traffic at an intersection for the hearse, family limo and a long stream of cars. In an instant, tears stung my eyes and then started to stream down my face. In an instant my heart felt totally broken again and the grief felt so fresh. I just sat in my car crying and praying for the family and friends of the loved person whose life was being honored.

I remember the day Brandon and I sat in the funeral home making plans for Bennett. It was surreal. All of the decisions you have to make in the wake of sadness and grief. A plot, flowers, casket, motorcade, clothes…millions of decisions when your body can barely function. The one decision that Brandon was very clear about was that Bennett would have police escort from the church to the cemetery. It was a sight I will never forget. They completely stopped traffic on highway 59 at the entrance ramp of our church and cleared the freeway for us all the way to the cemetery. It was such an honor for us to have so much respect for our precious little hero. I will never forget one single second of that ride…wonderful memories.

Now, it’s back to the marathon of daily life: work and house cleaning and dinner preparing! Happy Monday!

Blessings,
Angie