Relief into reflection

I was so relieved to get the news that the orthopedic doctor thought that Ellie has a very mild case of cerebral palsy that I all I could concentrate on for three days was the relief I felt! However, yesterday the relief turned into reflection (okay, obsession) and I had to do a little research.

The doctor suggested that we DO NOT label Ellie right now with cerebral palsy (and maybe not ever depending on how she developes). The ex-teacher in me started to think about whether or not that was the best decision for her. She obviously doesn’t need PT right now because developmentally she is still on target (with exception of her irregular gait). So, if we don’t need PT there really isn’t a reason to label her.

Then there is the little issue we have about learning her colors. Ellie has always been ahead of the game verbally (I think…not as a mom, but as a teacher). She can count to 26, she knows her ABC’s, she talks in very complete sentences, but she can not learn her colors. No matter what I try it is as if she can’t process that information…and believe me I have tried EVERYTHING! When a child that can learn everything else so easily, but can’t grasp a simple concept like colors it is a red flag in my mind.

So, the balance and coordination because of the CP combined with the trouble grasping the concept of colors got me all fired up. I started to question our decision. After a lot of research I decided that 2 ½ is young, but not an excuse to sit around and hope that she will just “get it” one day and we can all relax. I am a proactive person (which is my excuse for not being patient!). So, I found a gymnastics academy that offers private lessons. I figure if we can get Ellie involved in a physical activity that lends itself to helping her balance and coordination that would give her an advantage. However, the mommy and me or organized classes aren’t one on one which is what I think she needs in order to learn properly in the beginning. I am hoping they will be able to accommodate our request and Ellie can once again start gymnastics.

The second part of my “solution” involves something Brandon and I have thought a lot about for a long time. Home schooling. Most of my teacher friends are cringing…I mean public education is here for a reason right…not when it’s your child that doesn’t fit the mold! I am looking into the preschool home school curriculums right now and Ellie and I will begin as soon as I can make a decision. Home schooling has come so far. It’s not your “denim jumper mom and kids stuck at the kitchen table all day” kind of situation anymore. There are so many groups in our area and field trips and individualized learning…what more could you ask for? I think part of my confidence comes from loving to teach. I feel like I was really good at it and I loved it, and I know I will love teaching Ellie even more. (I felt like I should clarify this a little...we have only talked about the home schooling concept for the next few years. Obviously, there will be a point we reach where I won't be as effective as maybe public or private school...we know we have other options out there when we get to that point.)

Now, where does another baby fit into this plan? Truthfully, it will be difficult. Can it work? I am sure it can. We have decided to go ahead with one more IVF (because I am very confident that we will be using our embryos we already have…I really don’t think B has a CF mutation…just a feeling). If we don’t get pregnant it will be tough. I am sure I will grieve. However, I feel so blessed to have the chance to be here with Ellie helping her. There are so many parents in our situation with children that might need a little extra help and they don’t have the opportunity to stay at home. So, our blessing is that I can and I love it!

I was wondering if any of you out there home school or have friends that home school? I have done research and I know of a few books to start reading, but I am looking for ideas about different curriculums and hints in general. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Can I just tell you how exhausting it is to think that much all the time? I have been thinking about all of that stuff for the last two days. I woke up yesterday before 8am and started my research. It’s like my brain never shuts off. I have been so completely exhausted for days now. I mean EXHAUSTED! I feel like I could fall asleep driving (I wouldn’t), but you know that kind of tired. Then I lay down in bed and my brain holds me hostage and won’t allow me to sleep. At 8pm last night I could have fallen dead asleep in the living room. At midnight I was still watching TLC and bravo in our bedroom. Then I wake up and start all over again. I have forgotten through this whole issue that my body needs to be taken care of, too. I still have to go in for my CT and Brandon still has to have his blood redrawn for the Ambry test (don’t even ask). Neither of our lives have allowed for any “take care of us” time.

As unconventional and crazy as our world has been, the last few days have been so much fun with Ellie. I have a great tan because of her new sand and water table. It was 85 degrees on Monday and we were both in our bathing suits playing outside (in the back of course b/c it would be illegal to have this body in a bathing suit in public!). Nothing like a bathing suit to remind you of the 10 pounds you HAVE TO LOSE before you actually go to the swimming pool! Short of starving myself I don’t know how I can get it off. I am convinced that the breastfeeding is what helped me lose so much weight last year…that was the easiest diet ever! On Tuesday, I took Ellie back to the livestock show and we visited all of the animals again and Ellie got to eat her favorite food: roasted corn. It was our third time back and we are officially not going back until next year! As much as our child loves animals I have a feeling our pass to the zoo will be very useful this year. Yesterday, we ran errands and I did laundry. I was going to take a picture of all the clothes I folded, but it was way to embarrassing! I HATE to do laundry. Brandon likes it (or at least I have convinced myself that he likes it), but he just doesn’t have time for that right now. So, I took one for the team and started folding yesterday…FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR! It doesn’t help that our dryer is definitely on its last leg…we have got to get a new one. Except our microwave gave out last week and we need one of those first (a necessity when you have a little one that loves hotdogs for lunch). It seriously takes me 2 hours to do one load of clothes b/c I have to dry everything twice…oh…the joy of laundry.

Today it is freezing outside. We are running one errand and then I have a little work to get done and 4 loads of laundry of course! Stay tuned for a new slideshow I will have up today.

Blessings,
Angie

UPDATE on Team Chunky Monkey:
The amount of money that the March of Dimes has raised so far this year is down (not surprising b/c of the economy), but the number of premature babies born is rising. We only have 45 days left.
We have raised $1185 total from our generous family and friends. All of you are doing AWESOME on your fundraising! We have one person that is in the lead right now with a total of $225 donated...KEEP IT UP!
I did get in contact with the MOD and they have fixed our team site. Team Chunky Monkey is up and running and I can see you if you signed up on our team. Log on today and make sure you sign up to walk with us on April 26th ~ it is the best birthday gift you could ever give me! I will post the proof of the shirt as soon as I get it done! We can't thank you enough for helping us honor Bennett's life and celebrate Ellie's again this year!