Today was another milestone day in our family. 
Today our twins would have started kindergarten.
Instead, our baby girl started her second week of homeschool and our little boy watched over us as he always does.
My heart was so heavy last night. Six years ago, I imagined sending our babies off on a school bus together with monogrammed back packs and tears in my eyes. Today looked a lot different that I imagined it would back then.
Different doesn’t mean worse though. Although I would give anything to have my sweet Bennett here, I am beyond thankful that I get to have Ellie with me and that I am the one who gets a chance to teach her daily.
I have been filled with anxiety over the pressure of homeschooling. Mostly because I typically place unrealistic expectations on myself in almost every area of my life. But honestly, when you are the sole individual responsible for the success or failure of your child’s education it is a TON of pressure! I realized today that NOT sending Ellie off on a school bus to a public school wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be. I really DO love homeschooling and I really DO believe we are going to surpass even my unrealistic expectations. Ellie is amazing. She is patient and driven. What she already knows at 5 amazes me.
Today was the second best “First day of school” I could have ever dreamed of. The only thing better would have been to have my blond hair, green eyed little boy standing next to his twin sister in our back to school pictures this morning.
Dear Ellie and Bennett,
Today was a milestone day for you. Ellie, I am so proud of you and what I know we are going to accomplish this year. You work so hard in school and it is so fun to be your teacher!! I can’t believe you are old enough to be in school and that today would’ve been your first day of kindergarten. We both lost a lot when Bennett went to Heaven, but what we have instead is such a blessing. Thank you for loving me as a teacher as much as you love me as a mommy.
My little Bennett…thank you for watching over us every single day. Thank you for all of the blessings you bring to our lives year after year. Our lives would be so different with you in them, but you make sure they are wonderful with you watching over us. I know you are absent in these monumental pictures of Ellie, but as your mommy I can see you so clearly standing right next to her in all of them. You are my little hero and I miss and love you more every single day.
Happy “first” my little miracles!
Love,
Mommy
Daddy’s little girl!
Little brother was so excited, too!
Roaring like a dinosaur!
Total cheese-ball!
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