Ellie LOVES Cullen

I should have started keeping a record of the adorable things Ellie says and does for Cullen.  Here are a few that I don’t want to forget:

*When we brought home the ultrasound pictures to show her that the baby in mommy’s belly was a boy we also brought home a few cute outfits and some BLUE blankets.  This is what Ellie said:

E: You brought a surprise for me?

Me: Yes, you are going to have a little brother!!!

E: (looking at the two boy outfits) REALLY…two baby brothers for ME!!!  Oh, thank you mommy! 

Me: No, sweetie.  Only one baby brother and these are HIS two new outfits. 

E: Okay…I go get my baby brother (she proceeds to bring me her baby doll b/c she thinks the baby brother outfits are for her doll!)

After a little conversation about how the clothes and blankets are for the baby she refused to touch her favorite pink blanket and would only settle for a new blue one wrapped around her baby doll.

*About a week ago we were laying in bed together and I had my hand on my belly b/c I could feel Cullen moving. 

E: Oh, mommy does your tummy hurt?

Me: No, sweetie your brother is moving around in there.

E: Oh, can I feel him?

Me: Sure!

E: (takes one tiny finger and draws a straight line on my stomach) Ohhh…he is so nice.  (then she begins to talk to him in her sweet maternal voice) Hi Cul-wen, what are you doing?  Ahhh, you are so sweet…I love to snuggle with you.

* The other night I told B to hurry and put his hand on my tummy because I could feel Cullen kicking on the outside.  Ellie was right by us and said she wanted to feel.  So, she put her hand on my stomach.

B: Ellie did Cullen kick you?

E: (looks at daddy with a concerned look on her face) No, he doesn’t kick me

Me: (glaring at B) Um, no sweetie Cullen didn’t kick you b/c that is not nice.  But, did you feel him give you a high five?

E: Yeah!  (laughing)

*Yesterday Ellie and I were tucked in bed and she said:

E: Mommy I love to snuggle you and Cullen…can I lay in your nest?  (she refers to my spot in bed as “the nest” probably b/c I NEVER move from it!) 

Me: I would love for you to snuggle Cullen and me in our nest!

E: Can I touch him?

Me: Sure you can touch him…he loves you!

*A few days ago we were talking about how Cullen has to live in my tummy until he can grow big enough for Ellie to feed him with a bottle and play with him. 

E: Cul-wen is in mommy’s tummy and Bubba is outside.

Me: What is Bubba’s name?

E: Bennett

Me: Why is he outside?

E: (laughing) He is outside and with the big flowers.  Bennett loves flowers.

Me: (choking back tears) Yes he does.

*Yesterday, Ellie came running into our bedroom with a piece of paper.  She was yelling:

E: Mommy!!!!  Look what I made for Cul-wen!

Me: (looking at the picture she had drawn) That is so sweet Ellie.  He will love it! (after I inspected the paper further I realized that she had gotten it from Brandon’s office!!!  And she found MARKERS!!!  I immediately called for Biddie to make sure she didn’t get into the office again to collect any more of Dad’s papers and to please put the dry erase markers far away from her little hands or at least make her sit at the glass table with them!!!)

I absolutely love being pregnant and having Ellie old enough to be such a part of all of it.  It is such a blessing to see her face and how excited she is about Cul-wen Spencer!

Blessings,

Angie

OH, boy…he’s a B.I.G.one!!!

Today was…fun, but totally exhausting!

You would be surprised how tiring it is to  shower, dress, pack up a toddler, ride in the car, walk, and wait in the doctors office.  I’m not lazy, but I sure have lost a lot of endurance during the last 10 weeks by being on bed rest.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity and after I slammed a Kashi bar and two bottles of water I FINALLY got called back. 

The first thing my doctor said as she walked in the door holding my medical chart was, “This thing is ridiculous…War and Peace is nothing compared to your chart”.  NICE!  I told her I would LOVE to not be associated with that chart and all of the issues that come with it!

I knew the scale was coming and I was ready to take her head on…and she won!  I gained 6 pounds in the last four weeks.  That puts my total weight gain at 8 pounds in 18 weeks.  Whatever!  I’m not worried as long as this boy is BIG and HEALTHY! 

Which brings me to the whole size thing.  I am measuring 19 1/2 weeks pregnant and I’m only supposed to be 18 weeks 1 day…so, ladies and gents we have a Brandon sized baby in this belly.  I’m blaming  B for the six pounds due to his gigantic DNA he brought to the table!

The appointment was a little less rushed than the last and I really had a chance to ask a lot of questions.  We discussed the possible cause of my Pprom with the twins and she truly believes that the reason I ruptured so early was because I was carrying twins and also because of my short cervix.  Yes, we placed the cerclage and Yes, we hope it will prevent any early dilation.  But, the truth is women that deliver prematurely are 20% more likely to deliver as early or earlier than their previous pregnancy.  While we are talking about my cervix…I asked what it was measuring by ultrasound and it is at 3.3.  I don’t like that number because it is on the low end of acceptable.  However, I guess I am grateful that it isn’t below a 3 b/c then I would be in trouble.  I plan on asking the peri to order cervix scans every two weeks, so we can keep a super close eye on it.

She wasn’t worried about the uterine irritability b/c it isn’t regular.  I am to watch for any pressure in my bottom which is a clear indicator that my cervix is dilating.  I had a nerve severed during a laparoscopic surgery that prevents me from really feeling contractions, so I have to pay very close attention to all other signs that may present themselves.   I am to stay horizontal as often as humanly possible to keep pressure off of the cervix.  My blood pressure was a little elevated 130/80 and that makes me a little nervous, but she wasn’t worried and she said that most women see an increase in blood pressure around the half way point. 

Cullen’s heart rate was 157  beats/minute and he was moving all over the place.  It was probably b/c I wore jeans to the appointment and he was being squished to death!  I never wear anything but comfy pull on lounge pants.  I felt bad for him and as soon as we got home I ripped the jeans off!

I hate these appointments because I usually feel more stressed after I leave them.  I ask questions that I really want answers to, but then I get the answers and I feel like I should just adopt the motto: Ignorance is bliss! 

So, I am back to scared.  I am invested in this little boy.  He is a part of our family.  He is a part of my heart.  I am scared to death of letting all of us down by not making it to a healthy stage of this pregnancy. 

I really feel like I need the prayers now more than ever for some reason.  I feel a little shaken by the reality of the facts I got today.  Maybe after some prayers of my own and a good nights sleep (and a few days just laying in bed) I will feel a little better.   There is just so much that really needs to go right…and there is only one person that knows if it will…and it is so very hard to give it all up to Him and wait.

I’m looking forward to Thursday b/c it means the 1/2 way point to my next milestone which is Monday and 19 weeks.  That also means only 7 more days until the contraction monitor, turb pump and ultrasound.  Prayers, prayers and more prayers until then.

Blessings,

Angie

Is this what normal is?

So, yesterday I woke up and had a chat with B. 

When I was pregnant with Bennett and Ellie, even though I had a million very serious issues, the thought of burying one of my children never crossed my mind. 

Not when I hemorrhaged at 11 weeks.

Not when my water broke at 26 weeks.

Not when my babies were born 12 weeks early.

I never thought of having to bury a child until Bennett’s second emergency surgery for his suspected blockage.

Then it happened.  He died.  We actually buried our son.

I didn’t realize then EXACTLY how that would affect me for the rest of my life.  Don’t get me wrong…I knew it had changed me, but I didn’t realize how until recently.

I am pregnant. 

And I love feeling this baby boy move inside of me. 

Knowing he is growing and surviving each day.  Each week as we get closer to viability, without incident, is nothing short of a miracle to me.

However, the fear of having something terrible happen to our son and having to repeat our past…that fear is debilitating. 

It just doesn’t seem normal to worry about burying a child…let alone another one.

It’s not that I think something terrible is going to happen.  In fact, I feel good!  I even feel confident…half of the time.  But the reality is, I know what CAN happen. 

If my body fails.

If my uterus starts to contract too soon.

If my cerclage doesn’t hold.

If the 17P doesn’t work.

If I get an infection.

Some people might say I shouldn’t worry about what COULD happen.  But, I want to say to them…it DID happen to me and it has forever changed me. 

I realized yesterday, only because I sat to talk it out with my husband, that the loss of Bennett has filled my life with fear.  The grief was horrible and still is sometimes.  But, the fear NEVER goes away and it NEVER feels less present in my life.

I was a little careless…or maybe carefree is a better way to put it, before we lost our son.  I was different at any rate. 

Now, I am wondering if this is what my “new normal” is.

I don’t want to give the wrong impression…I’m not afraid of everything in our lives.  And I certainly don’t go through every single day fearing all of the terrible things that could happen.  But, I do have fears and they are validated by my past and my present.  

I decided with B yesterday that I didn’t want my fear or our fear to rob us of enjoying all of the fun parts of being pregnant.

Choosing bedding fabric.

Picking out furniture.

Buying clothes.

Deciding on a name.

I finally had to realize that if we did any of those things right now it was not going to “jinx” us.  Choosing a name for our little guy, buying him clothes, monogramming the new ones Mimi bought, deciding on a nursery theme…all of those things are normal and necessary.  Basically, we deserve to celebrate our little boy and I want to live like we only have 18 more weeks to get his goodies together before we bring him home.

The fear is there.  I am realistic about what is possible.  But, I want to be excited and giddy.  I want to pretend like I don’t know what I really do know. 

So, I am going to.  I have ordered a few little things for him and I have monogrammed his new outfits.  This is real and whatever may happen in the end is going to happen no matter what I do right now.

So, between monogramming from my bed (i’ll post a pic, b/c you won’t believe what it looks like in here!) I will be choosing fabrics and furniture and creating a registry for our shower.  I’m excited about all the planning we have to do for our little man!

 

Cullen Spencer Kahl 

 

How far along: 18 weeks (or 18w2d according to my Ob)

Total weight gain/loss: Up 2 pounds as of the last appointment.  I went to weigh myself this morning at home and our scale is broken…seriously!

Maternity clothes: Yes - and comfy lounge clothes.  I did squeeze into my non-maternity yoga clothes to sit in the sun on Friday.  What a site!

Stretch marks: Left over from the twins! I hope I don’t get anymore!

Sleep: Depends.  I have to take meds at 1:20am and 7:20 am and then I usually use the bathroom 4 times in between.  So, yes I sleep, but not uninterrupted! 

Symptoms: He’s moving and kicking!  I’m also thinking he will have lots of hair after all of this heartburn I have. 

Food cravings:  I am still loving apple juice and anything with jalapenos on it.  No meat still, but lots of veggies.  

Gender: BOY!!!

I miss: I really don’t miss anything except maybe going to church with B and Ellie. 

What I am looking forward to: I go to the OB tomorrow and then the peri two weeks from today.  So, we get to see our little man on ultrasound pretty soon!  Plus, we start the terbutaline and the contraction monitor then.

Milestones: 18 weeks!!!  Today is the first week of the 5th month!  That is very exciting to me!!!

Prayers: That my placenta has moved and is no longer covering the cervix.  That my urine culture comes back negative for any infection tomorrow. That my cerclage is all my body needed to keep this baby growing until 36 weeks.  I am praying for a big, fat baby to keep growing quickly and ahead of schedule because if this body doesn't cooperate we will need a big baby to handle the prematurity!

I can’t thank our friends enough for their continued prayers and kind words.  We are half way there and we have done this together, so thank you!

Blessings,

Angie

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94 days to make a difference

So, I am a week later on this post than I was last year and I am disappointed in myself for it.

It is that time of year to come together and make a BIG difference for our TINYEST miracles. I am so passionate about raising funds for the March of Dimes because 1) It is the one way we can honor Bennett and all of his angel friends year after year and 2) Their dedication to research and medical advancements is the reason women like me can bring premature babies home from the hospital. Any family that has spent even one day in a NICU with a baby has the March of Dimes to thank. This year was a huge year for the Texas chapter of the March of Dimes. In December 2009 Texas finally added CF testing to its existing 28 newborn screening tests. The mandatory CF screening was approved by the Texas legislature with advocacy from the local chapter of the March of Dimes and local pediatricians. This is HUGE, but I can’t help but think of how different our lives might be if Bennett and Ellie had been screened for CF at the time of their birth. This testing will better the lives of a family just like ours…and further fundraising and advocacy will continue to allow for such monumental advancements.

Currently, I am reaping the benefits of the March of dimes research in its efforts to reduce the risk of premature labor. If you read this article you are basically reading about my current life. Progesterone shots (17P), cerclage, tocolytics, bed rest and uterine monitoring are all preventative measures that have been studied with partial funding coming from the March of Dimes. While there is no sure fire way to prevent premature labor, at least we have these options and medications that in combination might give our little miracles a fighting chance at life if born early.

Now for the praising!!! We had the most unbelievable group of walkers and contributors EVER last year! Together we raised almost $6000.00 and Team Chunky Monkey ranked 6th in the city of Houston for top money raisers. This sum of money beat several of the larger corporations in donations collected and I am proud of every single member of our team and every contributor for making that possible. Our goal year after year is to continue to raise the bar for our team. We cannot do that without all of YOU.

April 25th is the date and you can count on another awesome team shirt this year…we actually received a personal compliment from the March of Dimes Houston organizers last year for our shirts! No skin tight mid-drift shirts for the guys this year…I promise! We were also recognized as being one of the largest family teams with friends and family walking at the march. I will not be able to walk this year, but Brandon, Ellie and our other friends and family members will be there as usual!

We would be beyond honored to have you join our team again this year…or join our team for the first time this year. You don’t have to walk to make a difference!
Here are your options:
1. Donate to Team Chunky Monkey (TCM) and help us reach our team goal. Simply click on the sidebar to donate today.
2. Donate to Team Chunky Monkey and pledge to walk with us on April 25th wearing your cool TCM shirt! Email your size to me.
3. Set an individual goal for yourself and have your friends and family sponsor you to walk with us on April 25th…still wearing the cool TCM shirt!

Whatever option you choose the money is donated to the March for Babies under Team Chunky Monkey and it all goes to the same wonderful cause.

How do I raise the money even if I don’t walk? Well my friends, that is simple. Last year, we had a teacher that made a deal with her principal to let teachers wear jeans for donating a given amount of money. Are you on a rodeo committee or in a family group at church? Will your boss allow you to leave a donation collection envelope in the break room or lunch room? We would love for you to share our story with all of those people and let them know exactly why we are so passionate about this cause. Encourage everyone you know to read our story at bennettandellie.blogspot.com and “get to know” us. If we can get 30 people to raise only $2.50/day until the day of the walk we can raise over $7000 this year. It is that simple!

We will be reserving Saturday, April 10th as our annual fundraising crawfish boil. This is open to all of our friends and family that raise money or dedicate themselves as walkers for our team. This will be the official pick up place for your TCM shirt, so plan on attending!

WE are counting on YOU and the future of preemie babies are counting on US…let’s make a difference TOGETHER!

Blessings,
Brandon, Angie, Ellie Grace, ~Bennett~ , and baby brother

The scoop

I apologize for the delay in journaling all of our exciting news from Tuesday. It was such a whirlwind of a day that by the time we got home I was TOTALLY exhausted!

The day was wonderful!

The doctor was wonderful!

The news was wonderful!

We got to the doctor and really didn't wait that long at all...that is after I finished filling out the 10 page medical history form they gave me. It's funny b/c my medical chart is literally 4 inches thick and believe me, they have all of the answers to the questions on that form in my file already. However, as soon as I was done they called us back and we went right in to the room. The ultrasound tech was awesome. She was so sweet and we laughed about how many pages of my chart that they faxed over. She had me hop onto the table (with all of my clothes on) to prepare for the ultrasound and I was totally confused. You see, when you come from the infertility side of conception you NEVER get abdominal u/s you only get the intrusive kind...you know what I mean! We had a really good laugh about how nice it was to actually not have to "drop my drawers" for a doctor and how cool it would be to have a "real" ultrasound like "normal" moms! Soon thereafter, the doctor came in.

We had this same peri for the twins in the hospital AFTER my water broke. You see, I had a young, inexperienced OBGYN for my first pregnancy and after my water broke she still insisted that she could handle my care in the hospital. After a disagreement between her and myself about the direction I wanted MY care to go in, I requested a new doctor. I got Dr. K, who is a very highly recommended peri in Houston and we were very impressed with him. He went to college with our neonatologist (and they are still very close friends) and he is personal friends with my pulmonologist, so our entire care team is connected.

He didn't waste any time getting started. Literally, he walked in, shook hands and squirted gel on my belly. No sooner did he place the probe on my stomach was he asking us if we wanted to know the gender of our baby. We didn't get the word "Yes" out of our mouths before he said, "It's a BOY"!!!

I love this moment. I looked at B and his eyes were WIDE OPEN. Like he was thinking..."did I just hear him right". This was the dialogue from at that point:
B: How do you know???
Me: (laughing) Um...do you see that arrow right there between those two legs
B: Really...YES!

Now, I wasn't sure if Brandon was going to jump up and high five me at that moment or if we were both going to burst into tears. I am sure neither of us heard the next 2 minutes of what our doctor said. That will rank as one of the greatest moments of my life with Brandon. It was such a special moment for us to share together. (when we found out the gender of the twins I was in the ultrasound room alone and then they brought B in after I knew what they were, so we never got that IT'S A...moment together)

The rest of the 40 minute ultrasound was a whirlwind of questions back and forth between me and the peri. He had a million questions about our situation because of my many serious medical issues and I had a million questions for him. I remember him asking a few times, "Did your first son have...." and I kept asking him "WHY?" is there something wrong with this baby. He just laughed and said "NO, everything is good, he is perfect." I guess he just wanted as much info about Bennett as he could get. I think I watched about 5 minutes of the ultrasound because we had so many questions. However, B soaked up every second of it and I am so happy he got to see our little boy in action. Most of the ultrasound was done in 4D which is a 3D ultrasound in real time. It is amazing to see the actual picture of your baby as they move in your belly. He is so handsome and calm...just a perfect little miracle!

The big news we got:
*There was no sign of the SCH...PRAISE GOD! I will feel better about this news after the next ultrasound if it is still gone!
*My cervix looks "Really Good!" This was good news to me and he seemed very confident about his findings in the cervical department.
*I have placenta previa. (the placenta is covering the cervix) This was cause for concern according to the doctor. Mainly, because I am on blood thinners for my clotting disorder and women with placenta previa are very prone to bleeding. Since I can't stop the blood thinners I am still on bed rest to keep as much pressure off of the placenta and cervix as possible. Please pray that my placenta continues to move as the baby grows and maybe by my next appt we will see a change.
*I will continue on the Ven.tolin until 20 weeks when I will start a Terbutaline pump. This is just a more concentrated form of anti-contraction meds (called Tocolytics) and we will continue to pray that they do the trick for my body.
*I will also start a home uterine monitor at 20 weeks. I will monitor twice a day for an hour each time and the results are transferred to a nurse who will call me within minutes to give me the news about my uterus. Pretty cool! It's like the hospital at home!
*I started the 17P shots last night. This is a weekly shot of progesterone proven to prevent preterm labor as it helps to replace (or amp up) the amount of progesterone hormone in your body. I survived the first night after using Emla cream and icing my butt cheek for 30 minutes. B gives me these shots and he is so gently and kind...most of the time! I am pretty sure you could suck a milk shake thought he needle because it is such a thick gauge!

So, if you were wondering what we are thinking of naming this precious little miracle boy growing in my tummy...well, I'm wondering the same thing! I hate not having a name picked out for him yet, but B has been super busy at work and in the evenings he is totally exhausted. He gets to choose the middle name b/c he won the gender bet, but we need a first name first!

Tuesday was such a great, uplifting day. I tend to worry between appointments, so the day of when we actually get some good news it is such a relief. When B and I walked out of the office we were all smiles. We got out of the door and we just stopped and looked at each other. We were holding hands and I just kept saying, "I can't believe this...I just can't believe it." I am pretty sure we almost skipped all the way to the elevator. As much as I didn't want believe it...there was something so special about finding out we are having a little boy. I can't tell you how many times I sat next to Bennett's grave and prayed that he would find us the perfect little angel to raise as his little brother or sister. We have been blessed in so many ways by this baby. I know that every baby is special, but this baby is extra special to us.

As we were leaving the hospital we decided to stop at the little boutique downstairs. We each picked out one outfit and a set of baby blue blankets for our little guy. I love him so much already. I have always been a fighter, but now I know what I am fighting for and I am going to fight as hard as I can for him. Thank you for the continued prayers. The next 8 weeks are crucial to get through...if we can make it through them we will reach the stage of viability. I am filled with hope and faith that we will make it beyond that as well.

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with a lot of uterine irritability. It is common to have irritability during pregnancy, but with my history it means we have to be extra cautious. Please, please continue to lift us up in prayer. We will never be able to repay all of you for your kindness, but know that we keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers daily as well.

Blessings,
Angie

Breaking news

We are excited to announce that we will be buying all new clothes and all new toys...we found out today we are having a BOY!!!!!

Pictures coming later today!!

FREE AT LAST!!!

Well, I lied to all of you when I said I was better Friday morning. It seems the demons didn't really rear their ugly heads until Friday night and then a few times on Saturday, but I am so happy to report that whatever I had is now G.O.N.E!!!

Once I got to feeling better the rest of the weekend flew by! It's amazing how fast your time can go even on bed rest...not ALL the time, but most of the time it goes pretty fast. Ellie loves to watch Dis.ney movies right now, so we cuddled up in the bed and watched a few new movies that she bought herself with her birthday gift cards. I just have to mention how disappointed I am in the movie Pin.occhio. The language is terrible and the kids are smoking while they play pool! I get that there is a bigger message, but the 3 year old doesn't get the "bigger message" she gets the language and the visual picture they paint for her. We will be discarding "Pidokeyo" just as soon as I can pry it out of the DVD player. Note to parents: Don't waste money on Wall-e or Pin.occhio...they are no good!

My body is doing a better job with the meds. The shaking has just become a part of my life, but the headaches are still bothersome. Small price to pay for a calm uterus though.

So, today I got out of the house for the first time in 2 weeks and out of bed for the first time in 4 days!!! I had my CF clinic and it was so awesome to see my doctor and have some adult conversation! She is so awesome and positive and it is really like visiting with a friend more than going to see the doctor. I am doing well and I think (I didn't bring my paperwork in) my FEV1 only dropped 1-2%. They expect change during pregnancy, but I have maintained really well. Their scale said I gained weight, but I told her it was a lying! I couldn't have possible gained any weight with as sick as I have been in the last few days! It's funny b/c the CF clinic is the only doctor that ever gets excited about you gaining weight. The dietitian visited and told me I need to eat more protein. I have zero desire to eat any meat and she didn't like the sound of that. I have some news...I won't be eating meat anytime soon, but I am happy to triple the spinach intake and add in some peanut butter.

Now onto the exciting news. I LOVE MONDAYS!!! Today I am 16 weeks pregnant with this little miracle! Not only that...but, tomorrow we go to the high risk doctor and I am praying that they will get to peek at the gender of the baby. I can't wait to have a name, so we can pray for him/her by name rather than by "baby." It's funny because we have so many people that say, "Oh, wouldn't it just be perfect if it were a little boy." You know what...we have a little boy. We raise him in our hearts every single day and he made our family perfect over 3 years ago. We want a HEALTHY baby...one that we can bring home with us from the hospital. Boy/Girl...we don't care at all!

Knowing the gender will also mean that I can REALLY start researching fabrics for the nursery and I know that will pass the days even faster! I have received a few opinions from people that we should wait until viability to look at anything, but you know what...I am not going to let the fear of losing this baby steal my excitement about planning for him/her. Plus, I am really anal and I know what I want/don't want in most baby products this time around. I plan on doing a ton of research on twin strollers and a new crib. Other than that...it's just fun to look! I thought I wanted the BOB twin stroller, but it only comes in orange or navy and I don't love either of those colors...so, the search for another twin jogger continues. Has anyone ever used the Tike Trek?

So, the week is off to a fun start. Tomorrow will be great because we get to see our little one on ultrasound and Friday my best friend and her family are coming to stay overnight. I am thinking this week will fly right on by!

If you think about us tomorrow will you please send up a small prayer that all goes well with our ultrasound tomorrow. I get nervous every time I go in for an ultrasound because you never know what they will find! Please pray for a good cervix and a healthy baby!

Happy Monday!
Blessings,
Angie

Which came first???

Okay, today is SO.MUCH.BETTER than yesterday! I can actually talk today b/c the pain is tolerable ~ which is huge progress from yesterday.

Thank you dear friends for sending all of those prayers up for us!!!

So, I kind of feel like what happened yesterday is similar the chicken and the egg...you know the age old debate of which one came first.

I don't know exactly what happened yesterday. My back was cramping HORRIBLY and it was wrapping around to my stomach, but not my lower abdominal area it was more in the pit of my stomach. So, I can't decide what was really hurting first and causing the other to hurt. Was my back cramping so badly that it was causing me to feel physically ill? Or did I have a stomach bug that was causing me to have body aches...in my back? I don't really know.

I do know that it all got worse before it got any better. At 7:30 last night I was ready to go to the hospital because the "poison" feeling in my stomach was almost too much to handle. I was scared because the day my water broke with Bennett and Ellie I had TERRIBLE stomach cramps and intestinal cramping...and then BAM! my water broke. So, you can never assume that it is just a little stomach bug.

Anyway, at 3:30 yesterday I started the Ven.tolin...and can I just say I was not prepared for the side effects AT ALL! I knew I might feel "jittery" and let me just say that was an understatement. About 30 minutes after the first pill I was nearly convulsing on the couch and my heart was racing faster than Danica Patrick's car at the Indy500! At the end of the 6 hours I started to feel like an alcoholic detoxing...shaking and the worst headache E.V.E.R!!! I am now taking 2 extra strength Tyl.enol at the end of the 6 hour time span. It was an interesting experience...but, I will take that over preterm labor ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!

I take the medicine every 6 hours which meant my next pill was right at bedtime...what a laugh! I did figure out that if I eat it helps a little...but, not much. I slept for about an hour and a half before the next dose at 3:30 and then I was up until 6am.

Thankfully, I have a very good friend that has been through this and she says these symptoms will only last a few days as my body adjusts to being a drug addict! It really kills me to take medicine at all...especially during pregnancy. I am praying that all of this will benefit our little miracle in the end.

So, we meet with the Peri on Tuesday...PRAISE GOD! I am looking forward to a cervical check (who says that???). I want to make sure the cramping and tightening yesterday didn't do any damage to an already cranky cervix.

I am beyond grateful for the prayers and encouraging words. I am scared to death, but trying not to dwell on the fear. I have a long way to go and while I am praying that was our last hiccup...realistically it might not be.

Thank you a million times for the prayes and please hang in there with us. Knowing we have so many prayers going up gives me so much peace.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power."
Ephesians 6:10

Blessings,
Angie

speed bump...

Well, I was hoping this wouldn't happen...but, today we (I) hit a speed bump.

I was having some back cramping yesterday. That is always a little concerning, but having been pregnant before I know that it is perfectly normal. However, I woke up this morning with cramping that was painful enough to actually cause me to feel super sick to my stomach.

I immediately called my doctor and here is my plan:
Bathroom and shower privledges only
Extra strength Tyl.enol every 4 hours
Ven.tolin every 6 hours (this is used as an "anti-contraction" medicine and I will take it from now on...until we switch to a stronger one around 20 weeks)
Tummy control from either a maternity belt or support hose

This is easy to do and believe me I will be following their orders to the T.

The difficult part is managing the fear. How fitting that I am in the middle of reading Fearless...

The only way to conquer fear is to lift your worry up to the Lord. I would be so grateful if you would pray for my body and for our little growing baby. You all have been so faithful to our family in offering up prayers and we thank you. This is another one of those "prayer warrior" times!

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble"
Psalm 46:1

Blessings,
Angie

Isn't it exciting...

Isn't it exciting how the start of a new year brings with it a renewed sense of hope and faith?

At year's end we close one chapter and begin a brand new one...

A fresh start if you will.

I am excited about this new year!

I am excited that I am 4 months pregnant and in two weeks I will start my 5th month!

I am excited that I wrote out lesson plans for Ellie and I really feel like it is going to work out for us! I LOVE writing lesson plans and I think homeschooling is all of my favorite parts of teaching without all of the headaches.

I am excited that our family is feeling better and Biddy is back...it is such a blessing to have help with Ellie and not feel like B is being overloaded with doing it all.

I am excited that I get to interview the peri next week. I say "interview" because I have decided that I am going in to the meeting with a set of non-negotiable requests that if he gives me any flack about I am switching my entire care group.

I am excited that I have started reading the reviews and making comparisons for all of the baby items I need to buy. (we have to start all over b/c we got rid of EVERYTHING after Bennett and Ellie)

I am excited to start reading Max Lucado's book Fearless...I need it at this point in my life and I am hoping I can take something from it.

I am excited about my growing belly...even though I am afraid that my face and thighs think they are pregnant too!

I am excited every time I use the doppler and I get to hear our baby's heart beat...today it was 157 bpm.

I am really excited to start our Team Chunky Monkey fundraising...we have BIG HUGE shoes to fill this year!!! Please start prepping your engines b/c we are going to need the support of all of you again to make this a huge success.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Blessings,
Angie