Today on the 35 Bennett Day I am 34 weeks pregnant with his little brother.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of Bennett. Ellie still talks about him and when you ask her who is in her family she lists Bennett and Cullen first.
She will tell you that Bennett lives with “Him’s fam-a-wee” in the flower garden and with God.
The other day she told me she was going to go into her bedroom and get her book about God so we could read about them.
It still breaks my heart that she will never know him and that we will never have the chance to raise him.
When we first found out we were pregnant and we got our due date I was worried. Worried because I knew they wouldn’t do a csection past 37-38 weeks due to the cerclage. That would be the exact week we pulled Bennett off of life support and planned and celebrated his funeral.
I DID NOT want our Cullen to always share the death of his brother in the week of his birth. However, the more I thought about all of it the more it hit me…
Cullen is our gift from Bennett.
Of course, God chose our path for us long ago and it was His will for us to have another child. But, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Bennett chose Cullen for us and chose that week because he does not want us to grieve forever over sending him Home.
Bennett was selfless every single day of his life. He NEVER gave up fighting ~ we chose to let him go because we didn’t want him to suffer. He was the most unbelievable sole I have ever met. He surprised us, his doctors and his nurses daily with his strength, so it is no surprise to me that he would have a hand in this miracle.
I am in awe of my firstborn…my precious little boy that had eyes so full of life and wisdom. Almost three years after we sent him Home he is still blessing us.
Thank you sweet Bennett. I know you are sharing in this joy with us and I know we have made it this far with your protection. You are and always will be one of the three greatest loves of our lives.
All of our love forever - Mommy and Daddy
1 comment:
I just came across your blog, my daughter too has Cystic Fibrosis, we are currently in the hospital again. Not for surgery this time though, thank god.
I was wondering, and I hope this isn't too much but did Bennett pass away due to CF at such a young age or were their other complications because he was a preemie?
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