Stage One of REAL labor

Well, we knew it would happen eventually. 

I have been in premature labor since they put me on ventolin at 14 weeks because of tightening (they didn’t want to call them contractions, but they were!).  I have endured 5 admissions to the hospital and 184 days on bed rest.  I have been on three different tocolytics to control contractions, blood thinners, and 17P to get me to 34.5 weeks of pregnancy…AND…

I am finally in REAL “premature” labor.

I don’t mean ‘finally’ like I am glad that we are finally here…I mean ‘finally’ like we knew my body couldn’t fight forever and at some point it would start to give out. 

Yesterday, was a CRAZY day!  We had to end up taking Ellie to both doctor appointments b/c Biddy had to go home sick.  That was hurdle number one…the toddler sitting through 3 hours of important visits and tests. 

I wasn’t AT ALL expecting anything to be wrong.  In fact, when we saw both doctors I told them that the last week has been so relaxing and fun for me b/c I am not worried anymore.  We saw the OB first and she was thrilled that I had made it so far.  We did the FFn and my group B strep.  I gained 2 pounds and had a little protein in my urine, but everything else looked good.  I did ask her to check out the position of Cullen’s head and he is indeed engaged in the pelvis.  Oh my goodness…he is so low that I can actually feel his head with my own hands below my pelvic bone.  Not comfy AT ALL!  The funny thing is his hiney is tucked up in my right rib cage, so he is a LONG little man!

After a quick visit we rushed downstairs to the Peri for the BIG news.  We waited and Ellie was getting grumpy b/c she didn’t get a sticker at OB’s office.  Try explaining to your 3 year that mommy’s don’t get stickers at the doctor!  So, I rifled through my purse looking for anything that might tide her over.  Ummmm…you can tell I have been out of the mommy loop for some time b/c I had NOTHING in my purse to amuse her!  We tried a fiber one granola bar that she announced very loudly in the waiting room she “HAD to spit out!” oh, it was a fun, fun day!  Finally, they called us back.  (side note: this doctor’s office has a recording when they call to confirm that asks you not to bring your children with you!  NICE!!)  However, Ellie was very well behaved b/c we threatened her with no cupcakes if she acted up and our peri was very excited to meet her.  It all worked out well in the end. 

He started the ultrasound and B won the weight estimate this week with a dead on estimate of 6 lbs 6 oz!  Good fluid, great movement and blood flow through the cord.  Cullen was sucking (like babies do when they sleep) and it was the most precious thing I have ever seen!  He had his fingers up to his mouth like he was trying to suck on them…I told B he was already trying to eat!  Eeekk!  I am hoping I can produce enough milk for this big guy! 

Then B asked about the cervix and funneling.  I almost fell off the table when he said I was 1-2 CM dilated and had started to efface.  Basically, my contractions are stage one labor contractions now and we are on HIGH alert for ruptured membranes AND any change/damage to my cervix b/c of dilation with the cerclage.  I am to watch closely for any bleeding at all and it that starts we are hospital bound immediately.  Things are now on a day to day basis with this pregnancy and Cullen could come at any time. 

There are several parts of this process now that I am concerned about.  It was terrifying to have my water break with the twins.  I was caught totally off guard and I am genuinely terrified of it happening again without B around.  (he is just as terrified of it happening to me and not being around too…it was very scary for both of us last time)  I am also super worried about dilating anymore and causing my cervix to tear b/c of this cerclage.  It is so hard not to get up when you have a 3 year old at home.  Especially when the weather is so nice outside!  However, I am really trying not to move from my bed unless I truly have to.  I am not really worried about delivering Cullen after I hit the 35 week mark because I think we have so many interventions in place that he would be just fine. 

I have so many people saying “Oh you must be so excited” and obviously I am thrilled to meet our son.  However, I don’t know if you are ever ready to deliver your child prematurely.  I don’t know if you truly ever feel ready to deliver your child.  It is as scary this time as it was our first time…I am just as nervous to become a mom again and I have all the same worries I did the first time around.  If my poor husband and I can make it through all of this without ulcers I think it will be a miracle! 

So, here we go into the 35th week of this pregnancy dilating, effacing and head engaged.  Only God knows what Cullen’s birthday will be!  Thank you for your continued prayers…and thank you to all of our sweet neighbors and family members for being on high alert these next 2 weeks!!!  We’ve made it to the safe zone!

If you are wondering…Ellie did in fact get her trip to Crave for a very yummy cupcake because she was such a sweet little lady all day long!

For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Psalms 139.13

Blessings,

Angie