Silence…

The silence of this room is what makes the time tick by so slowly.  The hum of the mag pump on the left, the sound of the fetal heart tones in the room next door, and the sound of new life that was just brought into this world remind me of my new reality.  I’m not at home.  I’m not with my baby girl.  I slept alone last night for the first time since my college years when I lived alone…by choice, not by force.  I missed the sound of my husband breathing next to me…I just miss my everything. 

I remember telling B after the twins were born that the three weeks I spent in the hospital really didn’t feel that long… 

What was I thinking?

I know that being here is what is best for Cullen and I do pray that it is God’s will to let him grow inside of me for another 3-4 weeks.  However, spending time alone in the silence of a hospital room is a really good way to remind you of ALL the millions of blessings you have to be thankful for.

Here is the latest update on me:

- I was scheduled to be moved to APU on Thursday.  I waited all day and the nurse kept telling me that there wasn’t a room available for me yet.  As shift change came I started to contract more frequently.  Eventually, my contractions were 4 minutes apart and the next thing I knew I was having terbutaline shots in my arms every 15 minutes (three of them).  I am sluggish from the mag and then I was shaking from the terb, so they sedated me through my IV and I was out! 

- Yesterday morning, my OB came in and said, “Well, your contractions scared everyone enough to keep you here in L&D.”  I was relieved that I finally felt like I would be somewhere “for good” and I felt like I could relax a little.  She won’t be back to see me until Monday afternoon at which time she is going to try and hook me up to the terb pump again to see how my contractions go.  If all is well, I am assuming I will go home that night or Tuesday morning.  However, things change here minute to minute!

- I am pretty sure I had the same nurse last night that I had the night the twins were born…the one that didn’t believe that I was really in labor until Bennett went into fetal distress.  When I started to tell her about my contractions I was feeling yesterday she cut me off and said, “We KNOW you are going to contract, so you just need to stop counting them and relax.  All of this stress is going to make it even worse.”  Okay…maybe she is right.  However, since she can’t see my cervix and she can’t feel how strong some of these contractions really are I think she should have kept her snippy attitude to herself.  Plus, her track record with me SUCKS!   Also, yesterday morning Cullen had a moment where he had a decel in his heart rate.  It corrected itself, but that is the exact reason I want to be worried about contractions and put on the monitor if I am having them. 

- So, today there is a “rounding doctor” who has decided to move me to the APU.  To be honest, I am relieved that I will have a fresh set of nurses that deal with long term patients all the time.  I am not in immediate danger of delivering, so truthfully there is no reason for me to be laying in L&D. 

- Today B and Ellie are coming up to spend the day with me!  I am excited to see both of them!!!  I am dressed and I tried to look as “normal” as possible for Ellie, so she isn’t so overwhelmed with the surroundings.  We are going to eat Lupe Tortilla for lunch and I CAN NOT WAIT!!!

- I have a date tonight!!!  Kaitlin (whom we always refer to as “Bennett’s nurse”, but really she is a very close friend too) is working in the NICU today, so we are going to eat together in my room tonight!  I am excited because I was really lonely last night and company makes the time pass faster!

So, after 5 days in the hospital I am having to regroup a little!  Today, I am 32 weeks pregnant and the bottom line is that is a huge milestone for Cullen!  (and me!!)  He is happy and moving all over the place and currently trying to take up residence in my right rib cage!  No matter the stress that comes with living in this place the only thing that matters is our Cullen is still in my belly growing!  That is such an awesome blessing to all of us!!!

Thank you for all of the prayes and sweet phone calls, texts and emails.  I am not a quitter and even though this is exhausting I am going to fight until I just can’t fight anymore to get our precious little man here as close to full term as possible.  Please pray that this Mag starts to slow down some of my contractions and that by Monday I am able to be transitioned back to the terb pump and go home.  I would love to spend the last 3 weeks of this pregnancy at home with my family!

Blessings,

Angie