May 12, 2013 will be my 7th Mother's Day.
I've said this before...I consider it a gift and a blessing to be a mother every.single.day, and truly I do not need a special day to celebrate. In fact, Ellie asked at dinner on Friday, "Mom, what's so special about Mother's Day?" She didn't mean it in a snarky way, she knows that most of the special days we celebrate have a special meaning or story about them. I explained about Mother's Day, but clarified that I think we celebrate pretty much every day!
Don't get me wrong though...I will let my hubby smoke a brisket, grill some oysters and veggies and I will lay by the pool while he works his tail off swimming with the kids! I mean I would be crazy not to take advantage of this set aside day, right?!?!
The truth about Mother's Day for me comes down to this though: The little man that first made me a momma isn't here to celebrate it with me.
I will never, ever forget that fleeting moment on December 14, 2006 at 1:42am when the nurses flew past me with a lifeless 2 and a half pound little boy with a head full of light hair. No sounds. No cheers or tears of joy. Silence. From everyone. Then they broke my water with Ellie and we started the process all over. I honestly don't remember anything after seeing them being whisked past to the NICU. I woke up in recovery and you know the story from there.
But on Mother's Day every year I think about that moment. There were years of tears, prayers, wishes, dreams, and dollars all wrapped up in that one moment that turned out so terribly different than I ever dreamed it would.
However, since Bennett's death I have learned to live life so differently. I'm full of gratitude for every second we are here because I know another day isn't a guarantee.
So, it's that second that I first saw him that I cherish and celebrate. In that one second I became everything I ever dreamed of wanting to be...a mom.
Dear Bennett,
You are the reason my heart found peace. You were given to us on loan to teach us a lifetime of lessons in faith and strength. You made us a family first and we will never forget that moment in our lives. Thank you for being strong enough to hang on and make me a mom in the middle of that chaotic night. Thank you for having the strength to fight and allow me the chance to celebrate my first real Mother's Day with you in 2007. I miss you terribly, my little man, but I'm thankful to you and to our God every day for the gift and the peace you are to me.
Dear Ellie and Cullen,
You are the reasons my heart is joyful every day! It is a lot of work to be a homeschool momma 24/7, but when I consider the alternative of having to leave you every day to go to work I know how blessed we are. I love you both so much I'm afraid my heart might explode! There is not one single thing on this planet I'd rather be than your mom. Thanks for making my job exciting every day.
B,
I've said this before...thank you for sticking by me through the years of infertility. Thank you for never questioning what we would do next and always believing our journey would end with a baby in our arms. Thank you the most for working so hard to make our dreams possible. We are raising our kiddos the way we dreamed of and what a gift that is to all of us. I'm thankful to you this Mother's Day! I love you, babe.
Happy Mother’s Day 2013 to all you Mom’s out there. We are all truly blessed.
No comments:
Post a Comment