Pieces of my life

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9, NASB

This scripture was perfect Jenn! I have spent the last 48 hours researching, absorbing new info, crying a little and feeling grateful for all of the support I have received .

I am a little less panicked 2 days after receiving my CF diagnosis. Not in a “not worried” kind of way, but in a less neurotic kind of way. I am learning more every day and to be honest I have a lot left to learn about how this disease has actually affected me. I have yet to hear back from the fertility doctor that delivered my diagnosis and he seems to be the only one that has any info about my case so far. I need to know exactly what two mutations of the disease I have. I know he rattled them off to me on Tuesday, but to be honest I was totally unprepared to hear that kind of news and that left me unprepared. I have spent years researching infertility, premature labor, and preemie babies, so I feel completely ignorant at this point…

I vented my fears on Tuesday night and in return I have met some wonderful new friends that have been uplifting and informative. The CF blog world is as supportive as the preemie blog world which is such a blessing. Where would we be without technology???

Since Tuesday evening I have managed to piece my life together like a puzzle. All of the times my doctor chalked a symptom up to my Thyroid disease or a side effect of a fertility drug finally makes sense. The serious vitamin deficiencies that come up blood test after blood test finally have a reason. My case of CF is obviously mild because I have not been chronically ill my entire life which is a total blessing, but even more important to me is that I have answers to so many of my current symptoms. I have ALWAYS had vitamin deficiencies and GI issues. I have suffered from the occasional upper respiratory infection and one case of double pneumonia, but nothing serious which, again gives me hope. I just have so much more to learn. If you know me well, you know I hate being in this state of limbo. I am ready to get my life and my body on the right track so that I can fight this disease with intelligence and the right medicine. I am SO READY!!!

A good friend of ours commented that we have Bennett to thank for the doctors finally testing me for CF and she is one hundred percent correct. I can’t remember if it was Tuesday night or Wednesday, but all of a sudden I thought of Bennett. Not in a remembrance kind of way, but in a way of giving thanks. It is because of him that I was even tested and it is because of his enormous strength that I know this is just a small mountain for me to climb. My precious angel was way too perfect for this physical world and he continues his blessings from his eternal home. It was by coincidence that Brandon came home hours before my diagnosis with the final proof of Bennett’s headstone and for the first time it didn’t stab me in the heart to think about finalizing this decision. We settled on scripture from Ephesians 1:16, “I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.” It’s perfect…he is perfect…they are both perfect…we are so blessed.

Brandon has been wonderful. He has put up with a messy house and no dinner for days, so I decided to come through for him today! I actually felt a sense of normalcy doing my morning routine of cleaning up and having coffee. I am just beyond exhausted emotionally and physically and that makes for a boring (and a little crabby) wife. There is no doubt that God chose Brandon for me to spend the rest of my life with. When the going gets tough…and let’s face it, it’s been tough in the past, we seem to balance each other out. Ellie on the other hand has been unbalanced for the last two days!!! She no doubt can tell that something is going on and WOW she is acting out! The last two nights have been like “Ellie Grace Hour” in bed with her showing off and vying for attention ~ like she doesn’t get enough. I have made it a point to do some extra fun things with her like the Museum of Natural Science yesterday and “Bennett’s Park” today. I can’t wait to post our new pics b/c she has really grown in the last few weeks.

Thank you so much for all of your continued prayers and uplifting comments. I know we have only just begun, but I feel so much peace and comfort knowing that I have resources and friends out there waiting to help us and teach us.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.”
1 Corinthians 16:13